Where do i start?

Ok so iv been all over the internet. Iv looked into my past and here is what i know i need help and why i need a hobby. 1. I play video games because its comforting. 2. Cosplay is fun but im not good at all and its expensive. 3. The only things i did as a kid was play imagination where i battled thing...ect. 4. Im doing this to take my mind off of suicide and wanting a girlfriend. 5. I get bored and have no ambition and no patients for certain things plus im picky. 6. Only 4 books in my life have ever been able to hook me without drifting off and wondering what the hell i read. 7. Iv wrote stuff before but lose creativity and patients. 8. Excersise i lose ambition plus when i go for a run i get back and im like.... what was the point of that? Please someone help a fellow out who lives in the midwest...the dead zone of america.