For anyone whose partner was on the fence or not ready—how did you convince them?

My partner and I have always talked about having 2 kids, but the one thing we’ve not been able to see eye-to-eye on is age spacing. I have always wanted a 1-2 year age gap because we’ve agreed that I would stay home while they are small and go back to work at preschool age. I want to condense the number of years that I am out of the workforce. We are fine on one income but I have a master’s degree that I’d really like to use. I also don’t want to feel like I’m completely starting over in “baby mode”. I don’t want to feel like I just got my body back and have to start all over again. I want to have our second ASAP now that our daughter is 13 months so we can continue to grow together as a family of four. I feel like we’re missing someone—like they haven’t arrived yet. As crazy as that might sound.

My partner, on the other hand, has it in his head that 5 years is a good age gap because that’s the spacing between him and his brother and “they turned out just fine”. He claims that he’s listening to my side of things, and while he agrees with all of my points about why sooner is better—he ends up defaulting to “I just don’t feel ready”. He wants another baby. He just doesn’t feel ready. When I ask what is standing in the way of him feeling ready, he doesn’t know. So basically he’s saying there’s nothing I can do but wait indefinitely until he magically feels ready.

I want to be very clear that I do not plan to do this without him on board—but I know that if I just accidentally got pregnant tomorrow, he would be excited. He would be shocked for a few hours, but he would come around because I know that in his heart he wants this. I think he’s just nervous about pulling the trigger for some reason.

Has anyone gone through this? I feel like I’m going crazy without a plan for when this is going to happen. I’m so ready to do this and it’s all I think about. I want my daughter to have a sibling. I’m ready to handle two babies. I just don’t have any clue what to say to him or do for him to help him come around to the idea.

I’ve been leaving it alone and trying to give him time and space. The last few times we’ve talked about it, he was the one to bring it up. I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him but I want this so so bad.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.