First night alone in a while

So guy I've been talking to says he needs to be alone for a bit. I'm all for giving space. But 2 things

1. I'm worried about him. Hope hes ok. I know hes been going through some rough stuff and hes against suicide. But still makes me worried.
2. it's the first day/night in over a month we haven't talked. And it feels so weird. Instantly feeling that crushing lonely feeling. I just got off the phone with my mom and we talked for over an hour but as soon as I hung up, the silence has just been overwhelming.

I've heard 100 times that I shouldn't depend on others for my happiness but making others happy is where I get my joy from. I find myself already wanting to start looking back online just to have contact and I know and acknowledge that isn't right. But I just really hate being all by myself.

I'm losing this guy and I can't really help it. And the one reason hes disappearing is cause and effect. Shit confidence, he hates it, leaves, causes more shit confidence.

Idk what to do. Just going to go back to fake it till I make it.

I dont feel good either... and today WAS such a good day...