Awfully nice lawn you have there. Petty pizza delivery driver story.

Be me 13 years ago, be a 17 year old lanky teen age boy and delivering pizzas for a company in a town in Australia. Bit of long tale so be warned.

Was a pretty standard Friday night delivering to parties, families, workers at factories and what not. Roll back into the shop after a run and get handed another delivery over in snob hill (rich part of town).

Nothing special about the area just a newer estate full of $700k+ houses stacked right next to each other with narrow streets. Narrow as in if two car parks on the road on each side you will struggle fitting between them.

Knew the area reasonbly well from working so I found the street quick enough but someone was having a party and street was lined with cars both sides. Slowly crawl down the road trying to find the house and not hit anyones car and hoping no one comes the other way. I reach the end of the street, nothing, couldnt even see a number on a house or letter box. Joy, looks like I'm parking around the corner and hiking back. Get back into the street start waking along looking for a house number, bingo, I was 5 houses away. Off I trot and reach the house and decide to cut across the lawn to the front door and it was a very nice lawn he had. It looked just like a well tended golf green very low and smooth.

My first mistake, I don't know if he was watching out for me or what but before I even could knock on the door he rips it open and just starts yelling at me! The guy must of been middle aged, balding slightly over weight but must of had some decent job from look of his house. Customer: "Why the fuck did you walk on my lawn you a**hole?!? " Me: umm.. Customer:"Umm?!? Just how stupid are you?! You god damn cnt!" Me:"I'm not Stup..." Customer:"Shut the f*ck up you half wit bastard! Your parents should of had an abortion!!! Now give the food!!!" Proceeds to snatch the bag out of my hand takes the pizzas out, shoves the bag back at me and goes to close the door.
Me"umm the money?" I was actually afraid and shaking by then. Customer"Ffffff*****cccccckkkk!!!" Shoves actually the right money at me onto the pizza bag I was holding and slams the door.

So I'm standing there trembling for a minute, maybe wipe something out of my eye and turn to leave. Then my pettiness kicked in. Didnt want me to walk on his grass hey? So back I go across the lawn and every 3rd step I would kick back Leads with the heel of my shoe leaving little divots in the grass as I went. Step back onto the sidewalk and turn around to admire my petty handiwork. Mistake number 2, old mate was back at his front door, watching. "RRREEEEEEEEE" or some sound along those lines issues from his mouth as he turned into a tomato. He reaches inside and grabs a golf club from inside the door way and starts running at me. Needless to say I bolted outta there back to my car and took off.

Strangest thing is, nothing ever happened from it. I was freaking out I would be fired or he would come to the store and attack me.

Wasn't my last pettiness but was the first to back fire. I will never forget you tomato man.