Help

I moved. And first i thought it was great and hoped it would be a new start. And first everything was great i haven't felt so good and safe since a long time. But now everything is coming back. I am sad and i have to fight myself to not hurt myself. I just don't want to feel anything anymore. I want to stop existing. And here is nobody I could talk to. I am just feeling lonely. I wish i was at home with my family. Help. I don't want to feel this anymore. Why does my soul hurt so much?