LO has ended up moving to my country, years after I ran away from them to escape limerence

Need to vent anonymously since I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about this in person.

Many years ago I turned my life upside down to get out from a limerence situation. The LO was a close friend and my limerence was sufficiently enmeshed with other mental health issues I had that I had to get out or I would commit suicide. I moved to the literal other side of the world to get away from it and built a new life for myself, thinking that the distance would be sufficient to recover. I remained in text communication with the LO, thinking that my limerence would eventually go away and we could go back to a normal friendship. Once a year I went back to visit home and see my friends, and each time I got back in contact with the LO the limerence resurged.

A few years afterwards I realised things weren't improving so I went no contact. This also meant greatly reducing contact with all of the mutual friends I have with the LO. I cut most of my friends out of my life. I can't head back home now because just being in that city reignites the limerence and depression and sense of worthlessness that I felt when I was younger. Even interacting with my close family, who still live in the city, brings out the same feelings. I avoided learning anything about the LO at all. I had to ask some of my friends to never again bring up the LO around me, which was incredibly embarrassing to ask -- how do I justify it? People don't know what limerence is. I had to say I had a sort of unhealthy obsession with the LO, but people don't get that.

And now I find out today that the LO has recently moved to my country, a few hours train from where I am now. I feel sick, and I'm ashamed that this is still an issue. My current long-term partner doesn't understand limerence and has no interest in listening to me talk about my obsession with the LO. I'm too ashamed to talk to my friends about it. I know I probably need therapy but I don't think most therapists will understand limerence either or know how to deal with it. I keep a log of how often I dream of the LO because it gives me a false sense of control over how I feel about them. It's been so many years and I still dream about them on average once a week. They take up so much space in my head, and I subconsciously search out their face in crowds, and so many things in everyday life remind me of them.

It's been years since I did the most drastic thing I could possibly do, I changed my whole life to get away from this addiction, and it didn't work. I'm not better. And now they've moved to where I am, so conceivably at any point I could see them in my city. Just the idea of this puts them at the foreground of my mind. I feel trapped and ashamed and exhausted of this obsession. I just want to move on. I could always move to yet another country on yet another continent, but it's insane to turn around my entire life again in an attempt to deal with what is really a mental health problem.

I see a lot of posts on this sub from people who've been limerent for a matter of months, but I'm wondering what peace there could be for someone in my position, who's been dealing with this for years and the addiction seems all-consuming and never-ending. I see life through the lens of my (non-existent) relationship with my LO. On the surface I have a great life now. I'm in a satisfying relationship, I have a rewarding job, and I go to the gym frequently and travel and study and keep myself busy but my brain is stuck on the same wavelength, like a broken record, and it won't move on. I'm just so ashamed.

I just needed to vent.