To my dad

Hey dad This is your youngest daughter calling. I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing fine. I would call you but I know that you’ll lose interest and hang up on me. I would meet you somewhere and sit down and chat with you but you would get up and walk away when I started talking about my life. I know you truly don’t care how I’m doing. I know you only care about yourself. I know it’s hard being so selfish. I understand that alcohol is the only thing you care about. You lost your whole family to get a buzz and I hope you’re happy with your decisions because you can’t take it back. You are the most selfish person I have ever met in my entire life and I’m so upset that you are my dad. I’m so upset that I have nobody to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, which you will not be attending. It makes me sad that I don’t even know if you’re dead or alive right now as I’m typing this. I could try to call you more often but I have nothing to say to you. My decision has been months in the making but I feel so free knowing that I’m doing what’s best for myself and my now family. Family that includes a mom, dad, and two kids that their father will never abandon. I feel comfort knowing that my kids father will always choose them over whatever 30 pack is on sale at the local corner store. I am comforted but sad that my mom can’t be here to see me make these decisions. Speaking of my mom, I’m pissed that you have the nerve to one up me on the death of my mother. She was my MOTHER. And you treated her like shit so you have no right to answer for her or tell me how to feel about her death. Without her you have nobody because you depended on her like an infant child and she deserved so much better than you. I’m so irritated that she took care of you and paid your bills and gave you a vehicle when all you did was sit on her couch and drink beer. What I’m most upset about is how broken I am because of you. How I can’t get my childhood back because of you. How you made the decision to ruin your life so my mother had to kick you out, leading us to the worst three years of our lives in the hands of a man you don’t want to hear about. Dad, I was RAPED. You don’t even care about that, do you? You refuse to believe me, or maybe you don’t even remember being gone I don’t know. All I know is that I was repeatedly abused by my “step dad” while you were gone and I blame you. My mom was too, and I blame you. I have never had a steady father figure and honestly, it has made me a stronger person. Because of you. Based on all of these reasons, I have decided to completely remove you from my life. I don’t even know who you are anymore. You are not going to know anything about what’s been going on in my life and you will never see my children or husband. You won’t know where I live, or work, go to school, or anything and I’m completely happy with that. Part of me is sad writing this out to you but I know it’s what’s best for me. I hope you have a good life, whatever you decide to do with it. If you’re working, great. If not, whatever I don’t care. You are no longer a part of my life, and I’m no longer in yours. Goodbye.