Dear Fox

We were together for 6 years. The old saying “High School Sweet Hearts” was us! We thought we were going to be together to “Infinity and beyond”. I know I fucked us over so bad, but I had to do what I had to do to protect you. I wish you would have held on, I wish you would have still trusted me.... Honestly, I wish I would have told you the truth a lot sooner. You were my first everything just like I was yours. Our first kiss was horrible but I loved it. You were the first person I went to bed with, and I was yours. Going to school everyday together, trying to fix our classes just so we could be close to each other. We would get upset if we weren’t near each other for more than 2 hours. I always waited for you in the morning. Breakfast was my favorite part because it meant I got to be with you. At the end of the day, I would hold and kiss you till your bus got there and watch you leave till the next day. You called me whenever you had the chance and I was always so excited to get a call from you. Everybody wanted our love. Everybody thought we were the cutest. 2 years later, we moved in together when when I was a junior and you were a senior. I watched you graduate and cheered you on like you had watched me and did the same. You loved me like nobody else ever did.... You loved me like a cheesy Nicholas Sparks movie and that kinda love is a once in a life time thing. You literally gave everything up to be with me, just like I did. You knew every inch of me and I knew inch of you. But we had problems in the end. I had problems I couldn’t fix. I was turning into my father where my emotions were just closed off. You needed me and I shut you out. I became insecure and a horrible person to you after High School. I mentally abused you. I played with your emotions just to make myself feel better. I was so insecure when we had sex, I thought you didn’t love me the same because of all the weight I had gained, but you always told me “I’ll love you no matter what. Hell we could be fat and roll around together.” You always said I was most beautiful thing you ever saw when I wasn’t feeling “pretty”. Sometimes you always depended on me to make you feel better. You always got upset when you couldn’t make real friends. You got upset with me because I actually took one of your friends without meaning to. It was always the same problem, you being upset about not having friends, but after I would comfort you, you would tell me “I don’t need friends. All I need is you!” And the cycle repeated. Or you would be depressed because I wasn’t always happy. You would try and try to make me happy, even though I always told you I was. You would get so sick if we got into a fight. You would cry for hours and I would always apologize and promise to be better, but the cycle just repeated. I just kept fucking you over... Last year was the biggest fight we ever had. We actually split because I was extremely insecure while on BC. So insecure that I invaded your privacy and went through your messages. Panicked because I thought you were cheating on me with one of your old friends. Posted on social media about it and caused a big shit storm. Told you you weren’t allowed back here while you were in a different state visiting that friend that gave you a free concert ticket to see with them. You moved in with your grandparents and then our relationship got harder because we couldn’t be together. Then I stopped taking the BC and I changed. I really did change for a little bit till I got into a Tech School for welding. So god damn stressful while going to school full time, trying to raise a kid that isn’t mine and trying to keep in contact with you. After all that happened, we were still kinda going strong! We got married 6 months ago, 2 days away from our actual anniversary. After we got married, I was extremely fucking happy. You loved me and I was spending the rest of my life with you like we both had talked about. But I still had school and I still had to watch the kid... Things happened that I had no control over later on. Things I was forced to do, things I had to do to hurt you. You have to understand that hurting you wasn’t what I wanted, and the bad part is, you know why which hurts even more because I did it for you. The last time I saw you, I was trying to fix things with you, and you just told me to go home. I drove 5 hours to see you and for you just to tell me to go home was heart breaking. I waited for you after work and I texted you to ask if we could talk and you told me that you were still at work. An hour went by and I knew you were lying. I know after New Years you will file for divorce and I will give it to you, because you need to move on in your life. I’ll always wear our wedding ring, even after the divorce. I will always love you, no matter what happened between us. A part of me will never get over you! I have so many memories and songs with you, that I know I’ll never be able to forget you. It sucks because I still have our pictures hung up, and I still say “I love you” to your pictures. I needed to tell “you” all this because you won’t even look at my messages anymore. I will always love you Fox. To infinity and beyond. -AG