Is there a point or reason to talk?

I don't see one. I've heard it lets you feel satisfied because someone listened but I just feel paranoid that I'll be judged, or selfish because I forced it onto the person I spoke to.

I've been speaking to a fellow redditor (who I won't name for privacy reasons) but I haven't been able to speak for a few days. I hate to say it, but I've had to lie, to tell them I'm okay when I'm really not.

I don't know how to talk to him because I feel like I'm just pushing my burden onto them. They listen to my problems but it makes me feel really selfish because they openly listen and help but I haven't asked if they themself were okay.

I loved our talks and loved their understanding, but I hate that I couldn't be just as thoughtful. It hurts to know that I can help, but just won't. It's horrible that I've lied to them and haven't given them a chance to talk.

I also didn't talk to the friends I used to have. I say "used to" because I got a little mad at someone, and so he rushed directly to my small group and lied about me and what I did. When I got a little closer, since I wanted to have a bit of a chat, he turns and says so sarcastically, "Oh, hi, Adam.". The group saw my discomfort and unhappiness and simply shrugged it off, or gave me cold and disrespectful looks as a sign that I was at faukt for being teased and lied about.

This wasn't my first time losing friends and breaking bonds over lies, but it certainly was the worst because I knew I'd lost everything. I've lost every single one of my fucking friends now and just want to know what I ever did to deserve the hell I get in general. I thought school was meant to stop this but the only advice they give is to stop being depressed or stand up to bullies but it's hard when they're all more popular kids.

Basically everyone is out of the equation, so I have absolutely no one to talk to. I'm at a stalemate with my depression, but it's slowly getting the better of me.