Hmm?

I feel most of my actions are forced like gestures or smiling. I defientflly have goods days but theres always a underlying. What is there to seek thats very beneficial to my confidence of course some changes but also the past? Im seeking since i can afford now though its overwelming ive made some spiritual changes fell off but trying to keep focused. Shamans. Mushrooms. Meditation.fasting. diet. Sensory deprivation tank. Crystals i may sound very new age but thats the point im trying look less simple and more complex. :)