Saying "Fuck you" - trigger words/phrases

My husband says "Fuck you" to me. It's his go-to comment when we get into a fight. I obviously can't stand him saying that to me. It's so disrespectful. It immediately blows any argument we're having into an all out war.

I'm sure other couples have those key phrases that just push those buttons. They're probably more subtle than "fuck you". I also hate the phrase "you're playing the victim". It gets under my skin and pisses me off so much. He doesn't like it if I ever insinuate anything regarding him not helping around the house or with the kids. It's so bad I refrain from ever saying "help" in any conversation I have with him.

We've had discussions on how these things are triggers and how upon hearing these words all rational problem solving and thoughtfulness go out the window. Fights escalate, we get so defensive.

Anyway, can you all relate? Do other spouses say "fuck you" to each other? Curious... Also, we got into a bad fight last night and we're doing the silent treatment to each other for the first time ever today. Fuuunnnn.

Edit:

Thanks for all the advice/comments. At first I was surprised that many people would never say f u to their spouse. And then, sadly, I recalled how the first time he said that to me I was in absolute shock. I've had horrible boyfriends that have cheated, yelled, etc but no one I loved had ever flat out just said fuck you. He probably said it 2 years ago and now I've lost track of the times he's said it.

We have identical twin daughters born October 2017, so we've been under stress. It was a complicated pregnancy. I was in the hospital for 2 months before they were born. My husband visited everyday. He also recently started a new company and money is tight. I'm not making excuses for his behavior. I realize he shouldn't be saying that to me. It's not normal or healthy. Our marriage clearly needs work.

He gets so upset when I mention helping because he already helps so much. He wakes up early with the twins, so I can get an extra hour of sleep. He goes grocery shopping for the family, and comes home for lunch often and cooks. He gives the girls their bath when he comes home. I realize that he should be doing this stuff because, yeah, he's their father. When I ask for help, I'm simply asking for help with a specific task at the moment, but he only hears it as me saying he doesn't help and doesn't do enough, which is not what I'm saying at all. I've explained so many times that that's not what I'm saying but he always blows up about it.

I've mentioned counseling many times. The issue is we can't really afford a babysitter and we have no reliable friends or family available or close by to watch them. We get a break once a month when my parents come to town.

I've confronted him before and told him he just can't be saying F u to me, that I'm his wife, the mother of his children and I will not tolerate it. He always apologizes. Look, I'm guilty too. I say f u back to him if he says it. I once said "I fucking hate you" in the heat of the moment. I know that's not something spouses probably ever say to each other. I immediately regretted it and apologized. But I've never said it again. And that's the difference!