I've been depressed for about 10 years now and I'm just making this to get things off my chest.

So I'm 22 and I've been depressed since I was about 10 or 11. I did therapy for a year when I was 12 but I didn't actually make any progress. I was very happy all throughout elementary school but starting in middle school there was a kind of switch that got flipped and I was just miserable. I also started having social anxiety which kind of fed into the depression and the depression fed into it. I regret my childhood every single day of my life. I feel old now and that I completely wasted those developmental years where you're supposed to experience a lot of things and grow as a person to shape you for your adult years. I didnt do any of these things. I didn't have friends, I didnt talk to girls, nothing. I was just quiet every day in class and went home immediately when school ended. This has been my life ever since, just doing whatever obligations I have then going back to my house and sitting by myself in my room playing games and fucking around just wasting my life. I'm a complete faggot loser with nothing going for myself. I am in college now and I hate it and really want to drop out. The only reason I'm there is for the social setting, but im not actually doing anything social, I'm too anxious and just sit in my room by myself all the time. Like I said I'm 22 so I feel old in this setting now. It's like every class is full of kids right out of high school and I feel like a creepy old man. I've been on the internet since I was about 8 and my social anxiety affected me there too. I've just been a lurker (I think I'm using that term right?). I never actually post anything. Fairly recently I've become kind of numb and have lost pretty much all shame so I'm not as scared of posting things online anymore or dealing with social situations in general. I guess that's good as I need to put myself out there and have some experiences, but at the same time I feel like a sociopath, like I'm just dissociated from the world. I've been thinking about suicide since I was 18 and really want to go through with it at some point. I used to be kind of scared of those thoughts but now that I'm dissociated it just feels like a regular thought with no emotion like fear or sadness behind it or anything. This is a long ass post lol, if anyone reads this I'm not really looking for help or advice, I just want to see of there're other people who can relate to this. I find it really interesting when other people can relate specifically to these kinds of events in my life and if anyone wants to, I would really like to have a conversation with them. I want to add that I am not a bitter person. I bear no ill will towards anyone else or the "world" like some people who have issues. All of my hatred is directed inwards at myself only.