Welp I've wanted to kill myself, then for a single day I was like nah and now I've gone back to my state

Well I'll state the mental problems I have 1 - ptsd from being beaten up by dance teachers 2 - schizophrenia 3 - depression How cool I am, am I right?

Well I'm also 16 and have an alcoholic dad and a crazy mother who only likes to shout. Besides the trio freaks (us) there is my sister which is 7 months old lmao

And I've wanted to kill myself for quite a while now, 6 years. Why haven't I done so? Well things like Christmas, birthdays, competitions or stuff like that which are really important and thought killing myself would be a dick move to my parents. I didn't say It would be a dick move to my friends because they don't like me as in they pretend they do but they always make jokes to which seem just as jokes but in reality they're just insults so they can fuck off meaning I only have 1 friend lmao. That's fun and it's gotten to the point where I might just kill myself before Christmas because mentally I don't think I can last any longer than a couple of days.

So what made this situation even worse is that my only true friend, Hayleigh, well I've had a phat crush on her since this summer lmao.

Well what made things shit was me meeting her at a city then us walking back to mine to make pasta toghether and watch her favourite show on Netflix because ya know I'm completely whipped over this girl. Sick. And so after all of this she had to get back to her house and I walked her back to the bus station and we walked the long way because she said so because we were in a really deep conversation. Keep in mind from Friday to today my parents have been at around family house to meet . So I stayed home that's why I let her come to mine. And after I came back from the bus stop I realised how lonely I was and spent the whole night plus day crying (even though I'm a guy lmao) And I actually thought about why I'm lonely:

Looks - na because literally every girl has told me either to my face (rarely but has happen) or behind my back that I was an 8/10 so I'm always like woop I'm happy about that.

Personality - big yes because every time I open my mouth I reek of boredom and I'm not funny what so ever lol

So yeah that hit me hard and I may or may have not tried to kill myself with a plastic bag and gorrila tape, pro tip - it hurts. And so the day after my parents came back to present you : today. I went out shopping with my parents and thought you know what, what if I really tell this girl I think she's honestly pretty and buy her a teddy bear and some chocolate. I did and the chocolate and teddy bear are sitting right on my desk. Thanks dad :) But here's why I now want to kill myself again, I was on the phone for like half an hour to hayleigh and I was like damn she's so funny but I'm not. But that didn't bother me. So one of her relatives come into the house and they ask who she was on the phone to. But this is why it made me cry

She asked : are you talking to your boyfriend?? Hayleigh : no it's just my mate

And this whole time I've felt shit. I've been feeling as if i want to put a gun to my brain and pull the trigger. I've been crying for 3 hours now lmao. I'm happy that she has a boyfriend but the fact that she didn't even tell me, although she claimed herself that we are best friends. And yes I'm bothered that she didn't tell me. I'm also bothered that im So lonely, I'm so distant from my parents and they don't know any of the mental problems I have. I have literally no friends and my crush / only friend just Baisically went nah fuck off mate. Well the fact that I'm schizophrenic didn't help the situation at all lmao. And so I the plan of me meeting her and telling that I like her and giving her the shit has gone to absolute shit. It's funny because the guy is ugly as fuck. But you wanna know why he's better than me? Because he's funny and also the main point : keeps talking about how hard and kinky he wants to fuck her and how do I know because she Baisically spilled all of that through the call. So that's fun. And that's funny because I know I will spiral back into my shit hole that I've been in untill I've thought I've had the chance with this girl but oh well she's off limit. Great.

Well sorry for my ranting but I hope you've read all of it and please don't just write "don't kill yourself you're so young" or stuff like that because I can't be bothered for it anymore thank you :).

TL;DR : well I have loads of problems. I'm not great with the ladies personality wise and I'm having mental breakdowns because of my mental problems