What I've learned from months in treatment for an eating disorder

I've been struggling with an eating disorder and various mental health issues for the majority of my life. This is my second time in treatment. I did an inpatient program for nearly two months, and I'm currently attending a partial hospitalization program. I've learned some things that I wish I knew earlier in life, so I wanted to share.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Behaviors vary widely, as do the body types of men and women who struggle with them. You do not need to look a certain way to be diagnosed with or die from an eating disorder. I waited so long to get help because I didnt feel that I looked like someone who had an eating disorder. I didnt look like those thin models, so I thought I wasnt in any danger. I didnt even think that they would believe me if I sought help. If you are doing eating disorder behaviors, you have an eating disorder. It doesn't matter what your weight is. Men can have eating disorders. People of all ages can develop eating disorders. It isnt just teenage girls. My eating disorder was the worst ever right before treatment, and I'm an "overweight" 29 year old.

Eating disorders are rarely actually about food. The reasons vary, but for many women I met, eating disorders are about depression, anxiety, trauma, control, low self worth, and more. It is simply a bad coping skill and addiction, like alcohol or drugs. Telling someone with an eating disorder to "just eat" is like telling a drug addict to "just stop using". Trying to recover on your own is nearly impossible, and there is no shame in getting help on an outpatient or inpatient basis.

One of the biggest killers of men and women with eating disorders isnt heart failure or malnutrition- it is suicide. Part of this is due to the high comorbidity with depression and other mental issues. Part is because many people with eating disorders have extremely low self worth as a result of the disease. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, you cant just address your physical health, but your mental health as well.

Just like an alcoholic cannot simply have one drink, someone with an eating disorder cannot diet or try to lose weight. There is no safe diet, as it generally causes relapse. For me, recovery is about learning to not hate my body so that I lose my desire to lose weight.

Health insurance is crap when it comes to covering treatment. I was one of the lucky ones with how much my insurance covered, but many people are not. Many women I met in treatment had only a few weeks covered, and I know some who offered no coverage at all. Treatment is expensive ($1000+ per day), so many people suffer without help simply because help is financially out of reach. Even for those like me who have good insurance, the cost of my out of pocket maximum has taken a toll on my finances.

Those are just the big things I can think of at this moment. I need to go eat my breakfast now (I eat 3 meals and 3 snacks daily as part of my meal plan), but feel free to ask any questions you have in the comments or PM. I'm in partial hospitalization today, but I'll check back on my breaks to help as best I can. I'm happy to talk about my personal experiences or eating disorders in general.

Stay strong out there.