Ugh. This sucks.

Oh man HUGS! I feel this so much. I am estranged with my best friend right now in a similar situation. She dealt with infertility for YEARS. Now she has Irish twins and I am their god mom. She was sending me videos and and pictures ALL DAY LONG. I finally snapped and told her I couldn't take it. Now I feel like she hates me. She has it in her brain I'm not happy for her. I am but right now I'm heartbroken and seeing them NON STOP reminds me what I can't have, it doesn't inspire me. It's all so hard. Hang in there.

I'm sorry. It sounds like she's a great friend and has been a wonderful source of support, and now that space is a little different. I've really tried not to let IF impact my friendships, since I don't want it to take more from me than absolutely necessary. The way I deal with others' pregnancies is just to feel like it's magic that it works out for anyone, and that I wouldn't wish my struggles on anyone with a decent heart. Of course there's still some jealousy, but that's okay. I can be jealous while still celebrating for them and with them. Jealousy doesn't mean I don't want them to have a baby, it just means that I also want babies for myself.

Also, I'd talk openly about what your boundaries are and speak up if something bothers you. Personally, I'd still want to hear about the pregnancy, because I think it would change the friendship for my friend to not be able to talk about such a huge part of her life with me. However, things can still pop up that bother you. Eg., one of my dear friends became pregnant right after our first miscarriage. She told me about the positive the first night we left the house after our loss. I didn't begrudge her that, because it was big news and I was happy she wanted to share it with me. However, later that week she offered me non-pasteurized milk that she'd bought at a local high end grocer. She couldn't drink it now that she was pregnant, and I could now that I wasn't. That juxtaposition really stung, even though she meant well. So I told her it had hurt, and she apologized profusely and thanked me for telling her. If anything, it brought us closer together. I hope you and your friend are able to stay close, too.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you are totally aware of how great a friend this person is and that you don't want to completely isolate yourself from them.

Personally, I would probably be very honest with her and tell her how incredibly happy I was for her but how it as very bittersweet and hard for me to hear about it. I would ask her if she would be ok not talking about her pregnancy with me unless I brought it up first, so that I wouldn't be caught off guard or sent spiralling. It sounds like she has been very supportive and would understand your need to not be reminded of others pregnancies.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope things work out and your friendship is able to remain strong. It sounds like she is someone you'll want as you continuing TTC. Best of luck and fingers crossed you'll be sharing similar news with her soon.

Oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I could have written your post word for word, except I knew my best friend and her husband were trying for their second. She was amazingly sensitive when she told me, and she about the only pregnant person that I can stand to be around because she lets me not be okay with it. I’m doing what I can when I feel strong enough to do it, and leaving it when I don’t. For example I bought the new baby a onesie yesterday because it was on sale and I felt I could. But today I’m feeling sad, so i made my husband hide it until I’m ready to give it to her. My advice is to talk to her about what you need, and take care of yourself first. I hope your relationship can continue with her supporting you through treatment Not that it means much coming from an internet stranger, but you will get through this.

That sounds so hard, I am so sorry 😢😢😢

I am in a similar situation with a friend who recently found out she is pregnant with #3. While hers was planned, she knows of my struggles and was very nervous to tell me. It really sucks cause you want to be happy for her but are miserable on the inside of your own failures. I feel your pain, I hope sharing this with you let's you know you are not alone!

I'm so sorry, that must be really difficult for you. It sounds like she is an amazing friend for you-and this doesn't make the pain any less. I hope you're still able to receive support from her, and that your friendship doesn't suffer. You have suffered enough 💕

I hear you on so many levels. My brother and sister in law who have been super supportive and know my almost 5 year (longer than they've been together) struggle announced their pregnancy to me and my immediate family this Christmas and then yesterday had a gender reveal just as I was getting used to processing the idea that they were pregnant. It sucks but I'm so happy for them...so I'm using my two closest girlfriends, my mom, and you wonderful ladies to hear my venting but I'm trying to be as happy as I can for them because I don't want to eff up our relationship, I want to be a kick ass aunt, and if I ever end up on the other side of this shitty situation I want their support too. So it sucks, I hear you and it's going to be so very hard but I would try to support her the best you can but vent here as much as you need. She knows (as best she can) how shitty you feel and how awful this situation is for you so hopefully you both can find a way to continue to be each others support systems. Anyway...hugs and vent away!

Guh. I've been there. I'm sure I'll be through ir again anytime now.

I guess it's time to set up an action plan with her. I wish I had done this with my other friends. State your boundries, both online and in-person.

I like to think that dealing with a pregnancy announcement is a lot like getting into cold water. You slowly go in, test what you react to, then put some more in. For instance, OK, you know she's pregnant. Maybe you need a few months to process it. Maybe you unfollow her on Instagram and Facebook (but let her know why). After, maybe you can follow her again. Maybe you can start talking about it. Maybe you try, it doesn't work.

It's hard to navigate your feelings and emotions. Hopefully, you'll both be able to balance your needs.

I’m in a similar boat albeit with both of my best friends on their second pregnancies and they were pregnant with me this time and I had to terminate after 3 prior losses. It has been hard and I have not wanted to see one and the other one lives out of state so it’s been easier. I have pretty much just done hermit style and it’s the only thing that helps me. I doubt I will see either of them during pregnancies further now they are showing and it’s too hard. Some peoooe are able to but this was just not my case

You are completely right, it sucks! I spent Christmas eve not being able to breathe properly, I could see my sister showing a new bump in her dress, and she didn’t have a drop of alcohol. Turns out she wanted to wait until her son was asleep (she got pregnant the same month we started treatment, without even trying, but has been really considerate about it), and when she poured a glass of wine I had to go cry in the bathroom.

Maybe the worst part about this shitty process - it makes you question if you are a good person.

I read something here a few months ago that stuck - we are probably better people because of this, going through it affects our empathy in a very positive way. Something like that, I think about it every time I am in your situation and struggle to be happy for others.

Best wishes for you in the new year!