2 years ago I slept with over 50 men and my current BF can't get over it.

You told him this last night. It's not like he's been distant for months and can't get over it. Sorry to sound judgmental but that is a lot of men in a short period. It'd definitely be a shock to me. Dating you for 11 months I'm sure he's close to feeling like he knows you and this wasn't something he was expecting.

Everyone has different views on sex as it's intensely personal. I'm sure he's concerned that you have no emotional attachment to sex and that you can have sex with someone without a seconds thought. That would definitely lead to thinking you could cheat on him. You can dismiss that as irrational if you like, but without a doubt in his head there's a logical connection that if you can have sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere without a care what's to stop you? You should probably just calmly discuss this with him and I'm sure he'll get over it sooner than later. If not, tough for him.

As a dude I would have to say that would mindfuck me. I don't know why but i can brainstorm.

1. It says you don't attach a very high emotional value to sex.
2. It says you're easy, so it says he didn't attract someone with very high standards, which in turn doesn't say anything flattering about him.
3. It says you lied by omission for a long time.
4. Society dissaproves, and whether society is right or wrong, it does weigh in.

I don't know why you would tell a guy this. I would think it makes you feel guilty, so ask why it makes you feel guilty. If it doesn't make you feel guilty then why would you ruin his day by telling him something like that. That was stupid, don't do that, and if he asks lie, because there is no reason to tell the truth unless you have an STD or emotional scarring, or something that is actually serious from your escapades.

Of course I've never been in a relationship so take anything I say in this subreddit with a boulder of salt.

He has been with 25 women he claims, so I don't see what the big difference is.

About 25.

All guys know that their girlfriend probably isn't a virgin, but 50 guys in a few months is totally different. It's like how you don't expect that your significant other never tried any drugs before, but then you find out that they did a massive amount of meth heroin and crack for a few months - it's not the same thing. Only with sexual matters it makes an even bigger difference, because that's something he shares with you now. If you aren't just a troll, do you honestly not see how or why that would bother your significant other?

Girls want to be the guy's last. Guys want to be the girl's first.

Him saying that he's worried you will cheat on him is the polite way of saying that he's worried that you're not mentally stable. Someone else on this thread alluded to that when they asked you if your escapade was on account of significant depression.

Here's the deal. I've known guys who were really driven to sleep around; who were good looking and smooth with women. One guy worked as a bartender in what was at the time the most happening club in his city. He didn't manage 50 in a few months -- I think it took him a couple of years. What you did is just completely out of the ordinary for a woman, and so why is a legitimate question.

Add to the above these two more points. You characterize this as "a period in my life where I wanted to have some fun." That's not the way anyone else would characterize it.

• I wanted to have some fun horseback riding, so I rode 50 horses in a few months
• I went through a period when I just thought shoes were the bomb, so I bought 50 pairs of shoes in a few months
• I just thought it would be fun to try different jobs, so I took 50 temp jobs in a few months
• I have a ball club hopping, so I went to 50 different clubs in a few months

Any of these things are out of the ordinary, and would make one person wonder about another. What you've described is not "having some fun." It's strange behavior.

The second point is that you laid this all on him last night, and you're writing us today because for the last few hours he's been "really distant." Gee, what a superficial louse. He should just get over it already, huh?

You know what? You may be a very sweet person who just went through "a phase." Maybe you had some kind of parasite that affected your mentality or something. Who knows? But your boyfriend is now wondering if you're nuts.

"Get over it."

WHY WHY WHY would you tell him? No one wants to hear that about their partner. Also it is worse for guys to hear. I'm saying this as a graduate student in cognitive psychology. Seriously, guys process information much more visually. So when you told him, he had an instant mental picture, burned into his brain. Women process information more semantically, so him telling you 25 women activated a semantic network of concepts where you could link it to all the implications of what he said, and you could be much more rational about it. That is not how guys' brains work. Literally, he will activate visual regions of the brain while you will activate language areas. I hope this, in as lay terms as I could frame it, helps you understand why there is a difference in your and his reactions.

In a row?

To quote the brilliant user Too_Far from 2X, I have this to add:

"It's OK for a woman to be sexual - it's just not OK for a woman to be an ounce more sexual or one iota less sexual than interested males want her to be at any given time.

This is why I have to laugh whenever I see guys here wondering why women aren't more sexually aggressive and complaining that they should be. It's also why I have to laugh whenever I see/hear guys accusing women of always saying they want one thing while actually wanting another."

I never really cared about past sex.

Some people do.

Evolutionarily, men wanted non-promiscuous women. No previous sex = the baby is mine. Obviously a man cannot tell how many sexual partners a woman has had by inspection, but anything that hints at promiscuity would cause some men to search for other mates.

Evolutionarily, the cost of raising another's child is huge. Men that fall into the 'provider' niche would be at an advantage to completely dismiss a promiscuous woman, even if she's desirable otherwise. Promiscuous men, on the other hand, don't really worry about who's fucking who because somebody else is going to be raising their baby anyway.

It WOULDN'T be OK if a man were to sleep around with 50 women. I would react the EXACT same way your boyfriend is if I found this out about my boyfriend. Don't make something a gender issue when it clearly isn't... this is an issue of self-respect.

These judgmental commenters are idiots.

1. Are you going to cheat on him?
2. Do you want to have 50 more?
3. Did you pick up any STDs that you can now bequeath on him?
4. Did you have a child with any of them?

If the answers to 1-4 are all no, you're in good shape, and you ought to talk him through that.

5. Does he satisfy you?

If the answer to #5 is yes, you might (and I say might, because some people are prickly about this sort of thing) want to broach the subject and point out that not only do you have a decent sample size, of that entire sample size, he's the: Best, smartest, fastest, biggest, most able to satisfy, whatever.

Of course, if that's not true, that's more complex.

As someone who's had a lot of relationship experience, here's my take..

I personally don't have a problem with a woman with a lot of experience. However, this particular case isn't simply a woman with lots of experience, it's a woman who slept with 50 guys in a "short amount of time". Now, this seems to me like a few months. So 4 guys a week for 3 months.

Now by any standards that is a LOT of guys. If you are sleeping with that many dudes in such a short space of time you cannot possibly be picking the cream of the crop. There isn't enough time to be finding and meeting great guys and getting to know them, it's just a case of, "he's ok and not a complete douche: ill fuck him". ie: She clearly has/had very low standards. Also, when someone is fucking so many "low standard" guys, it generally indicates low self esteem. A classy girl with a lot of confidence wouldn't be fucking 4 guys a week, she would blow most of them off because she knows she can get a great guy and doesn't need the validation.

If I was her boyfriend, I would assume that our relationship is not special because she basically would be with any guy with two legs and a dick. No one wants to be with someone who has zero standards, because it generally indicates low self confidence and probably other mental issues.

Now, if she had said 50 partners in her lifetime it would be different.

Also, don't accuse me of double-standards, I would make the same debate if a dude told me he fucked 50 girls in a few months.

Am I the only guy who thinks that male promiscuity is nothing to celebrate? I look at my friends who fall into the manslut category and all I see is herpes. A little of the clap too, but mainly herpes.

The difference between a man being a baller and a woman being a slut is irrelevent here. He's not trying to judge you he just doesn't want to be with a girl who's done that. Girls can make the same decision. It has nothing to do with what society has labelled you as, it has to do with what he feel comfortable with. I wouldn't be comfortable with that either, I find a girls sexual past to be a lot of baggage to carry. Whether that's right or wrong I don't know but it's how i feel and i wouldn't be surprised if it's how he feels. It's not a double standard in this case, he's not "labelling you a slut" he's just deciding whether he wants to be with someone who's made those decisions. The whole "I got my kicks out and am happy now with him" kind of makes it even worse, as if there was your fun sexual time, and now there's your time with him which is something different. I know that's not what you meant but it could be construed like that.

I have more of a Winston Smith viewpoint on things like this. I don't really care about a woman's purity. In fact, I'd rather be with a girl that's actually experienced life instead of reserving herself because society thinks she should.

From the sounds of things, if he doesn't like the way you've lived your life, you won't have a problem finding someone who will. Life is too short to spend a big chunk of it with some self-righteous douchebag, though. If he can't get over it, I think you should move on.

Get a new boyfriend.

Unfortunately, many people accept arbitrary standards and can't think for themselves. Many others limit themselves in their exhibitions, and even further, limit their understanding and empathy only to those who will make similar choices to them.

No matter who you are, there are people who can identify with you. In cases such as yours, however, it might be a bit more difficult. This might mean finding someone who is able to think above the level of male moron and accept you for who you currently are. This might mean finding someone who has similar exhibitions, and can therefore easily empathize.

Have fun with Reddit's moral police. You've unleashed a plague onto the enlightened society.

1.) OP, I'm not entirely sure why you just edited your text to include that second paragraph. I just tried searching for "whore," got no results calling you that, and also "slut," and only found one that I thought was an accusation. I have two guesses: 1) you saw these words and assumed they applied to yourself without really hearing out what the individual had to say, or 2) you're making a fairly common--but superficial--defensive claim made by girls in a similar situation and you're reaching out for their support.

2.) It's not "OK" for "a man to sleep around with 50 women over a short period of time." You need to understand that a sample of men doesn't represent every individual man. I hope the fact that you thought this was true didn't pressure you into acting out that way (sleeping with 50 boys) in the first place... the sort of "well if he can do it, why can't I?" mentality. It's not healthy to go and do something just because you can do it.

3.) Again, you speak of a "[male] hive mind" as if one actually exists, and as if you know what it thinks. This is not the case. Individuals are individuals; each person has their own unique characteristics and thought processes.

If you continue to think a double-standard exists which applies to all men and women and you act on it in ways you think are appropriate, you'll probably find yourself in a rough situation.

That's all the advice I think I can give you. For me to do any more, I would have to be your boyfriend, because I feel that it's only fair to make these kinds of judgments on a case-by-case basis.

Take care.

[deleted]