Source
r/IncelsWithoutHate•
hideouscel

What’s the point?

Every time there is a woman who seems to show any kind of interest in me, which is only once every few years, they always end up having a boyfriend and are in a happy relationship

No matter how hard I try I can’t even get past the first hurdle, single women want nothing to do with me

I’m happy for the couples and glad they have someone but I’m getting older and while everyone is enjoying life and meeting people, the average middle schooler has more experience than me with women

What’s the point in even trying when it’s the same damn result every time?

Posted Jan 16, 2019, 8:35 PM UTC

3350
pat_nafs•

I have never been in a relationship and i am almost 31 now. Last few months, i am going through terrible trauma of losing a supposed "soulmate" (in her words) to married asshole in an open relationship. I have finally realised it's counterproductive to yearn for relationship and trying to rediscover my solace. Yes life must be probably better in a proper relationship but hey no point in not appreciating what one has. I really think we need to stop thinking we are inferior only because women overlook us

14
[deleted]•

You better get used to it boyo, you ain't going nowhere.

12
NatsukiSmacked•

Same here. The only girls who actually treat me like a human being are already in a relationship. It can feel nice tho, to be treated just like a normal person by a girl once in a while, taken or not. Its a bummer that they are always in relationships, yeah.

10
SRU_91•

My theory about this is that women in relationships feel more relaxed and confident around men (for the most part) because it's not like they are actively looking for a partner or anything (since they already have one). Because they seem friendlier, it can be mistaken for interest whereas girls who might actually be looking for a partner may be a lot more reluctant to show interest in guys they like (inb4: "cope!"). So maybe it's the women that seem to be trying to disguise their interest in us that we should really be looking out for (assuming we can find women interested, this isn't meant to be interpreted as a platitude).

7
KosmicMalware•

That's what it's like when you're subhuman surrounded by THOUSANDS of better options.

Best you can hope for is making friends with them, but even then, that's just a reminder you're nothing more than "friend material" to basically every girl ever.

6
thalobby•

I stopped trying a long time ago. I actually feel much better (most days anyway)

6
Oxidus999•

There is no point.

5
Sadguy213•

Theres always someone in a worse situation. Im the guy who doesnt get treated nicely by any female, whether they have a boyfriend, obesity etc. Im too disgusting.

5
garmonbozialarouche•

They’re only pretending that romance and relationships today are a fair and equal marketplace because they don’t want to bother dealing with your problems. Just get into other things that can make you happy with lots of other guys, like Dungeons and Dragons. Go to Nevada and get a legal prostitute if you need to experience sex.

4
jasonology09•

I'll start off by saying that I don't know you, or your personal experiences so there's not a whole lot to go on here. But, from what I can gather from your brief post, I think you might be coming at this from an unhealthy perspective.

First of all, if a woman has a SO already, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she probably wasn't actually showing interest in you. She may have been nice, or friendly, etc. But most women (not all obviously), do not have boyfriends and then purposely go out and flirt, etc. with other men. So maybe, you're misinterpreting simple friendliness for actual signs of interest. Not a huge deal, but as you mentioned, you are quite inexperienced, and some signs are subtle and can be difficult to interpret the way that was intended. Those social skills come with time, practice, and experience, and some people just never really get good at it.

But to your main question, what's the point? The point is that relationships, are a natural, healthy part of life. Not to mention that a good relationship will be some of the best experiences you will ever have. Being with someone intimately teaches you countless lessons about life and who you are as a person. We are social creatures by design, made to find partners and mates. To willfully discard that portion of living is to knowingly shut off arguably the best parts of being alive. Think of something like laughing or having fun. Can you live/survive never having experienced those things? Sure, but is that really a life you would want?

I get it. It's difficult. You see people in relationships being happy and enjoying life, and you want to have that too. And it's easy to get discouraged when things don't seem to go your way. Nothing about finding and keeping relationships is easy. But I promise, when you find someone to care for and that person reciprocates that, it makes all of it worthwhile.

4
cooljellian•

"When you find someone" lmao

12
jasonology09•

That's exactly the attitude that's going to hold the OP from ever having success. But by all means keep up that negativity because it make you feel better about yourself instead of actually improving your situation. It's obviously working well for you.

-1†
cooljellian•

Improving? Nah fam i gave up. Truth is that heterosexual dating in western society heavily favors women. Men are the losers, ugly men especially. Ive gone to the gym, make decent money. Have lots of friends of both genders. But im ugly Women arent attracted to me. Thats it

11
jasonology09•

Fine, you gave up. Why spread your negativity to someone else who obviously wants to be better? How does that help anyone, including you?

I don't know what you look like so maybe you are not physically attractive. But, when I go out, I see plenty of men who also aren't physically attractive in relationships with women. In fact, I'm living proof of that. I'm not tall, average looking at best, ethnic, not rich, not famous, and work a normal 9-5 job. But I've had many girlfriends over the years and have had many more casual relationships. I also have many male friends who aren't particularly good looking who have and have had many girlfriends that have been remarkably attractive. Now before you try to make excuses, let me also state that none of these guys are rich, or famous, or have positions of power. They're just normal guys, living normal lives. So I know for a fact that your premise is wrong.

2
northwindlake•

Yeah, "the only thing holding you back is your attitude, bro".

4
northwindlake•

I agreed with your post until here...

To willfully discard that portion of living is to knowingly shut off arguably the best parts of being alive. Think of something like laughing or having fun. Can you live/survive never having experienced those things? Sure, but is that really a life you would want?

Most of us haven't willingly discarded anything. We're Darwinianly selected out of the mating game.

I get it. It's difficult. You see people in relationships being happy and enjoying life, and you want to have that too. And it's easy to get discouraged when things don't seem to go your way. Nothing about finding and keeping relationships is easy. But I promise, when you find someone to care for and that person reciprocates that, it makes all of it worthwhile.

",..when you find someone". Please. As someone who's a literal 40-year-old virgin I can safely say it doesn't happen for everyone. Some of us are just going to end up single no matter how much effort we expend.

​

9
[deleted]•

[removed]

0
ballet95•

I have a question, do you stop talking to these girls after you discover they’re in a relationship?

4
hideouscelOP•

No, but it gets much harder to do so

6
ballet95•

have you tried talking to a girl with just friendship in mind?

1
hideouscelOP•

If a girl sees a single guy with no social connections trying to befriend her, she’s going to think he is just looking for sex

How can two people be friends when there is such a difference between their experiences and lifestyle?

6
ballet95•

I dont know if it’s just me but those are the best friends to make! You learn about different experiences than yours and you learn how to understand people with different life experiences.

1
bangalorean-dude•

You don't try. That's the point. Check out of society.

3
Slayaisawesome•

The problem is your perspective, my friend. It's 2019. There are so many legit resources all over the place to help you fix yourself I'm surprised subs like this still exist.

If you need me to tell you some stuff that will help i will. But seriously, what does not change either dies or fails forever.

-5
hideouscelOP•

What if you’ve tried all the methods and tricks to get a woman and you still fail?

8
Slayaisawesome•

That's the thing. People are looking for "methods and tricks." To shortcut therw way through everything. Even if that stuff did work it still wouldn't change the fact that at the root you are lost and weak. Failure is expected. But if you can't win PERIOD then YOU need to change YOU. Permanently. Not momentsrily putting on a front while using these "tips and tricks." Any woman with good sense will look through that shit anyway.

-4
hideouscelOP•

Why do I need to spend years changing everything about me when the average 12 year old who can’t even make his own bed gets to date?

The average guy is a loser, who is also married, it’s not hard to date, if you aren’t dating there is a serious problem and it has nothing to do with motivation or attitude

13
Slayaisawesome•

Like i said. it's your perspective. Are you kidding? It takes years to change another person, eho you dont know the drive, needs and wants of. But you should know you, and if you do, it won't take years to change you.

But even if it did take years, why would you complain? Do you actually want to change or just sit and pout on reddit while more driven, strong, and focused guys are out there getting what they want? Why do you need to change yourself? Really? Come on. You speak as if your not the one needing help. If you really cared about yourself you would immediately seek power instead of continuously making excuses.

-6
SRU_91•

You've obviously never had many significant problems with dating. Stop trying to project your perspective about how easy you think it should be to find women on guys you know nothing about. It comes across as extremely condescending and gives the people here a very clear insight into the shallow depths of your character.

8
Slayaisawesome•

Your worried about your feelings being hurt, meanwhile this sub is full of dudes who can't enjoy the basic things in life. Don't ya think it's time to stop demonizing things that don't represent the little box you've lock yourself in? After all, that's why ypu are where you are anyway.

And by the way, i grew up the ugly guy. The one other people laughed at and didn't tolerate. I have had SIGNIFICANT problems with dating.

The fact that you assumed that because I'm in this mindset now that I'm predisposed to it, and never had to change just projects your mindset of thinking that people can't control who they are or what their lives are like, and gives me a very clear insight into the shallow depths of your character, since tou wanna use personal attacks i thought i would point that out.

But in any case, this is the internet, and i have never been afraid to be the unpopular opinion. So you can say want you want but scolding me like I'm five won't help.

2
quercusp•

You really do your best to defend the believe, that incels are just lazy and with enough effort they could improve themselves and get a girl friend like anybody else. Society is just, because it has to be. You're brave warrior.

2
Slayaisawesome•

I mean he literally said "what if i tried all rhe methods," and that's why i responded with what i said. And he did seem lazy in my opinion. If you're going to post on the internet be prepared for opinions you do not share.

And yes, i do believe that with the right efforts anyone could get a gf. If you don't think so then ok. But your own personal effort has nothing to do with society having to be fair all the time, nor did i imply that. Trust me I'm not ignorant to the conditions of the world. I've experienced the same shit an incel has. But i recognised that I can be the creator of my own reality instead of always relying on a "system" to do it for me.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
jasonology09•

I agree 100% that you have the wrong mindset, friend. But what I don't agree with is the connotation that something is inherently wrong with you. You've just developed a bad attitude about women and dating. I understand why. Rejection is tough to swallow, and it's easy to become negative or bitter about it. I've been rejected more times than I can count. But I barely remember all those times because what good does focusing on failure do other than make you bitter? And guess what women really find unattractive... men with shitty attitudes.

Fact. Not every girl you're interested in, is going to be interested in you. More than likely, most women you're interested in won't be. And that's ok. The only thing you can do is be who you are, and put your best self out there. Most importantly, you need to stop thinking there are "tips and tricks" and get rid of this belief that "If I do X and Y, girls are going to like me". We're talking about people here, not making a box of mac and cheese. A+B does not always equal C. There is no "right" thing to do when it comes to relationships.

If you're going to improve yourself, do it for you. You don't like how you look? Fine, get in better shape, or change your style and/or grooming so that YOU feel better about it. Maybe you'll never look like an Adonis, but y'know what if there are women out there who won't date you strictly for that reason, you don't want them anyway. You don't like your financial situation? Fine, work at improving your skills and landing that better paying job so that YOU are happy with your career. Maybe you'll never be rich, but if a woman won't date you because you're not, again, you don't want that kind of woman to begin with. You don't like or have the friends you want? Fine, improve your social skills and go find places you can meet the kind of people you want to be around. Maybe you'll never be famous or the most popular guy around, but if a woman is only dating you to be famous or popular, then again, not the kind of woman you want in your life.

The point is, be who you want to be because it makes you happy. Because being someone you're not will only make you miserable. For one, you can't do it. Maybe you can fake it for week, or months, or years, but eventually you'll fail and be who you are. Secondly, being secure in who you are is really attractive to women. So get a handle on that first, then think about dating.

​

2†
Slayaisawesome•

Y o u s h o u l d h a v e r e a d m y o t h e r c o m m e n t s f i r s t.

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1