Furloughed, broke, alone. The last 12 months have kicked my ass and the blows keep coming.

I've dealt with clinical depression since middle school and in the past few month, through hours of therapy, I finally felt like I was getting a grip on my depression but this government shutdown has really set me back.

In feb last year my mom tried to kill herself and blamed my siblings and I. We later found out that she has borderline personality which explained a lot. At the same time I went through a really bad break up. The combination of the 2 put me in the hospital because of a panic attack. I've been seeing a counselor at least once a month since then.

I really felt like I was making some headway in November and early December. I didn't feel as much burden from my depression. I knew it was still there but it didn't take over and drag me down quite as much as it usually did. That all change with the furlough. My job has pretty much been the only stable thing in my life this year but now I don't even have that. I'm running out of money to get by, I can't find any part time work, and there is no end in sight for the shutdown. I've never felt so alone and helpless in my life. My depression leaves me unmotivated to do anything. My house is a mess, I've basically given up on personal hygiene, and all I do all day is sit around watching netflix and googling the shutdown hoping for a piece of good news.

I'm sick of being so alone and depressed. I just want to go back to work so I can at least keep myself busy.