Source
r/toddlers•
LessThan3

Opinions please-should I put my daughter in a “real” daycare?

My daughter is a little over a year and a half, and she has been going to an in-home daycare since she was 6 weeks old. We adopted her at birth and it was one of those “surprise-baby is here!” matches where we didn’t have a lot of time to plan. We literally became parents overnight and I couldn’t get much maternity leave off, so we kind of scrambled for daycare.

We found a very nice lady near our neighborhood who has run daycare out of her home for 15+ years. When we interviewed her she had her entire garage converted to a children’s area with lots of room, toys, security systems in place, etc. However, about 6 months ago she sold her house and moved back in with her elderly parents and is now running the daycare out of a single bedroom at her mom’s. Same amount of kids, sometimes 10+ kids, in a bedroom.

Another thing that’s bugging me is that the kids just sit and watch TV all day. No outside time, no free playing. When my daughter was an infant and slept most of the day, that was whatever, but now it’s bothering me to think that she just spends all day in a pack and play with a movie running.

Now that’s not to say it’s all bad—my daughter walked early and started solids early, and I’m convinced it’s because she saw the older kids doing it at daycare and wanted to keep up with them. She’s also learned a handful of Spanish words, and the lady and her parents all really love my daughter. She’s also been flexible about pick up times when my husband and I have had work emergencies. I like her and I don’t want to burn any bridges.

Do you think at that age she’s okay to spend her days without much “structure”? Or am I doing her a disservice? A “real” daycare would cost about double what we pay now, and really stretch our budget, but we could do it if we had to. Thoughts?

Posted Feb 12, 2019, 5:28 PM UTC

49
binklebop•

I don't think this is about an at home daycare vs a "real" daycare - it is about *this* daycare vs any other daycare. 10+ kids in one room, watching TVs all day? That's just not ok (forgetting about the legalities of it). Toddlers need stimulation, and a place to run around and explore. I'd move your daughter as soon as you have another option lined up.

19
UnicornTootsPregnant with a playmate for our 3-year-old!•

Another thing that’s bugging me is that the kids just sit and watch TV all day. No outside time, no free playing. When my daughter was an infant and slept most of the day, that was whatever, but now it’s bothering me to think that she just spends all day in a pack and play with a movie running.

NOOOOOOOPE. Not okay. You're spending money so a person can put a toddler in a playpen to watch movies all day? No fucking way.

Do you think at that age she’s okay to spend her days without much “structure”?

It's not about structure, per se. I'm a fan of structure, but I don't want my child to be spending 50 hours a week with Marie Kondo (well... maybe I would... that was a bad example... anyway...) Hitler. But, structure is important... not Hitler-esque structure... but having teaching time, nap time, play time, art time, snack time, reading time, quiet time, etc. at regular times is important for a child.

Daycare is about socialization. About being active. About playing... going outside... experiencing things... etc.

All of the stuff you listed (walking early, solids early, etc.) may have nothing to do with daycare - you can't say with any certainty that it's because of the daycare at all. Anecdotally, I was reading before I turned 4... I was eating solids at 6 months... I was able to write my name at 2... I could speak Spanish and English... I walked before I turned 1... yet I stayed home with my mom, never going to daycare or even going to playgroups as a baby/toddler, and I didn't have older siblings to learn these things from. For all you know, your kid could be at the same state if she were in a different daycare or even home with you or your spouse.

Thoughts?

Honestly, what she's doing is probably against a whole slew of laws in your area. 10+ kids and one "teacher" in one bedroom with no outside play area? Fuck that noise. There must be other in-home daycares in your area that aren't like this. (Edit: just looked up my state regulation for ratios. For mixed-age kids in in-home and regular daycares, there must be at 2-3 educators per 10 children (and no more than 6 of those children can be under 2 years of age. At the bottom of this page you can see the recommendations for ratios, but the laws vary from state to state.)

Cheap is not always better.

12
Momtastic27•

I have always used home daycares and love them. That being said, this does not sound right. 10+ kids? As far as I know it's only legal to have 6 kids, at least in my state. I don't like that they're watching so much TV either. I'd say follow your gut and look elsewhere. Even if it's a different home daycare.

ETA: I think it's worth mentioning that home daycares can and often do have some sort of structure. Kids thrive off of routine. If your current provider doesn't, that's another red flag.

6
shellyq7•

I second this...I would love to have a home daycare option but this setup sounds somewhat disturbing. My mom used to run a home daycare and had to have frequent state inspections that looked for all kinds of things at our house. It sounds to me like her up and changing the location, coupled with the sheer number of kids is problematic. I’m sure laws are different everywhere, but I think 6 kids is pretty common, unless she has hired workers to help who have passed background checks. I would be looking elsewhere.

3
monbabie•

TV all day is a disaster, get her out

5
Lerk409•

Where we live home daycares have to be certified by the state. I wouldn’t send my kid to a daycare that couldn’t get certified and I’m guessing this one can’t. 10 kids confined to a bedroom all day sounds pretty rough. Personally I would look for alternatives.

4
CupofTia💙 9/13/15 ❤️ 1/10/17•

I never used in home daycare but I can say I love our “real daycare”. They learn English, some Spanish, and some sign language. They have a great structure. Play. Have fun. Learn. Paint. I think just having more people to oversee let’s them do so much all day. They also have tons of peers to learn with and from. The socialization is amazing. They are exhausted at the end of the day and sleep well.

I agree the 10:1 ratio doesn’t seem safe and keeping them inside on screens all day doesn’t seem worth it to me.

3
an_almaniac•

At three months we put my daughter in a ‘real’ daycare but pulled her out within a few weeks after feeling like she spent all day in the bouncer.

We found an older lady who had her large front room dedicated to the kids and only had my daughter plus 4 other older toddlers. We switched at 12 months because we moved but I would probably try to find a similar set up if I have another baby.

After moving we found another in-home. She seemed nice at first, but it became apparent that the kids were spending most of the day watching tv.

So, we ended up at a chain daycare. We love it for our girl now as she is in a class with 11 other kids and 3 teachers and she is learning so much.

All that said, I have a lot of experience and I’d say to trust your gut. Each time we decided to make a switch we were so relieved and wished we had done it sooner.

3
mijra•

It sounds like there might be other issues than just the price. I'd say it's worth the cost to gain a potentially better environment. Make sure it's stimulating and that you and your child feel comfortable—and that whatever it is, it's both legal and safe. (Not to disparage in-home daycare—it's what we use and we're very happy with it. Our caregiver has a home and a yard and is still only certified for 3 children of which two have to be over 12 months.)

1