Source
r/INTP•
sluttony

Does physical affection mean anything more to an INTP?

My INTP friend and I had a history of being friends with benefits two years ago which stopped because I started dating someone else. Now that I'm single we've been sleeping together again, however it's much different than it was two years ago. He used to just come over for sex and then leave (on occasion that we did end up sleeping together he never liked to touch me in the morning). Now he sleeps over and cuddles me in the morning as we have hour long discussions that range from world views to best movies (which we can never agree on). I personally feel that this new morning cuddling has started to spark some feelings within me but I'm not sure how it is for him. If we're out in public together or with other friends he doesn't like me or anyone else touching him. Is this indicative of anything? I've read mixed opinions on it so far.

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TLDR; INTP gets extra touchy touchy but I'm the one that's getting all the feely feely and I want to know if it's mutual

Posted Feb 18, 2019, 10:45 PM UTC

721
Mergendil•

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I had to "break up" before finally admitting that i was in love the first time, now that I know the feeling I can be more honest with myself.

He might be either afraid of commitment, or seeing other girls.

You can solve both by suggesting an open relationship if it's okay by your principles.

11
HateKnuckleINTP•

Could be indicative of anything. We can sit here and hypothesize all day and never come close to what he's thinking. Luckily the person in question is an INTP so we can get pretty direct with our questioning.

He's likely to appreciate direct inquiry into his thoughts and feelings. So long as you make an effort to make him comfortable in expressing his most likely confused and barely understood emotions then he'll probably be fine. Try to make it one of your fun morning conversations. Figuring things out such as this can be kind of like a game for INTPs. Since it's about how he's feeling then this is likely to be even more true since analysis of emotions from a detached point of view allows an ease of access. Keep judgements out of the equation and you should be well on your way to finding out just how much an INTP doesn't know about how they feel.

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patrickearthridgeINTPatrick [5w6 sp]•

I love the way you put that. Getting an INTP to talk about his feelings is like digging up a landmine. There's a right way and a wrong way to do it. And your advice definitely sounds like a right way!

4
HateKnuckleINTP•

Unlike a landmine, the potential for harm is much less. It's more like unearthing an ancient artifact and you can't tell if you found a children's toy or a dildo. Awkward and maybe frustrating confusion is most likely.

There are a few rules with dealing with INTPs and one of them is giving INTPs as many possibilities and options as you can. It's a great way to make them more comfortable so that they can make more acxurate conclusions.

3
sluttonyOPINFJ•

Thank you! I'll definitely try to make him comfortable however he really hates talking about emotions. One time he was tearing up in front of me and I asked what's upsetting him and he responded with 'Nothing, I'm not crying.' as my t-shirt started soaking with tears.. it be like that.....

1
HateKnuckleINTP•

nothing I'm not crying

Oh no... It just keeps getting worse. Please tell me he can at least feel pain. At least give me that. If not then I'm gonna have to send a Bladerunner out to retire him.

On a more serious note I just have to wish you the best of luck. I originally figured your exploration into his emotions would just be confusing and kind of difficult but this appears to be far more troublesome. It sounds almost funny to think and even worse to suggest that you may have to start from literal square one. This might end up looking something not unlike teaching someone with autism about emotions. Either that or he is in some serious denial about how he as a human functions. Shit might be clinical, you know.

Maybe he thinks crying can only originate from sadness and since he doesn't know exactly what sadness is then it can't be crying? He had to at least acknowledge that tears were coming from his eyes right? Like he does he think your shirt gets sad? If I had to find a way to dismiss my obvious crying then this is the kind of mental gymnastics I would use. Prepare for an Olympic worthy gymnastics routine. You might even be dating a gold medalist.

2
SpyMonkey3DINTP•

Is that a gay relationship ? ("He"+ Tony in your username.) I ask, because that's a different context (gender roles out the window)

5
CryochromeINTP•

It doesn’t have to be Tony, to me the whole username looks just like a pun on slut + gluttony.

4
SpyMonkey3DINTP•

Stretching it, imho, but plausible.

But if it was that, why not just use the word "Lust" or something ?

1
rawr4rawkerINTP•

I'm afraid the name "Tony" can also be given to a woman.

2
SpyMonkey3DINTP•

Wait, really ?

I'm thinking of fat Tony in the Simpsons. I'm no English native speaker, but never seen women named like that.

3
rawr4rawkerINTP•

Could be Tony or Toni. That name is unisex.

2
SpyMonkey3DINTP•

Hum, okay. But in practice, the majority of cases, it's still men, no ?

1
sluttonyOPINFJ•

Haha no it isn't! My username is a play on the word 'gluttony', never thought of it as coming across as masculine! This is a very interesting perspective ☺️

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SpyMonkey3DINTP•

Well played u/cryochrome

3
joomla00•

Just ask, take what he says at face value. If he says no feelings, stop sleeping with him, its not going to be good for you. If he secretly likes you, leave it up to him to chase you. Check this subreddit for suspicious posts

3
ScalyDestiny•

Who knows. Just ask.

2
ordinarymagician_•

He's more emotionally open with you now that he had more time to process everything, and he's not a fan of PDA. Past handholding, I'm not either.

This is all hypothesis, though, until you ask him.

/thread

2
BlonderUnicornINTP•

Personality type doesn’t determine your love language, I am INTP and mine is words of praise but I certainly don’t mind a good snuggle. Like many other people said ask him if he really is an INTP I’m sure he won’t mind explaining himself since I’m sure at this point he knows his introspective nature might lead him to leave others in the dark.

2
theantsinyourpants•

Omg I do exactly the same thing as him haha

1