[FR] Last Minute Resistance Twice
Matched with a chick on an app, and we went out on 3 dates and I ended up with her in my bed on two of the last ones but she just didn't want to fuck, and so I basically ended it because I wasn't gonna go 3 dates without fucking just based on principal.
Our first date was chill and we met at a bar in midtown after work. Had 1-2 drinks and hit it off pretty well, she was decently cute with a nice skinny body. The weather worked out such that we got something to eat real quick and then it started raining and was cold so we mutually called it on the first date. But she texted me back later the next day saying she had fun and wanted more. Great sign.
Second date we were gonna play pool then the pool hall had a wait so I adeptly suggested we go to a bar near me that has a pool table. It's a dive Irish bar but the pool table was available and they were doing a fun open mic night too. We had fun and a unique experience for sure and then I suggested we go back to my place for some wine, and she agreed. We hung out there watched a couple videos and chilled with my roomies (one of them had his GF over which helped with the vibe) We ended up in my bedroom naked but she didn't want to have sex. I even got to fingering her just a bit but she said "let's see where this goes" and we didn't fuck.
Third date she suggested something near her place which I took as a good sign that we'd have sex at hers, maybe she felt more comfortable that way. We walked around a bit, grabbed a coffee, went biking around the city, had some fun. Then she says her place is dirty or whatever so I said ok we'll go back to my place for some TV. Grab a cab back (she pays lol) and we're again in the same situation, on my bed clothes are off, this time she doesn't even let me get her pants off and says not today.
We hung around my bed for another 5-10 mins just kissing a bit and then here's where I basically wondered why she didn't want to have sex / do you not feel comfortable with me? She said she does but wants to go "slower" and I guess I let the frustration get to me a bit by being less emotional and more logical. She asked the classic shit test "do you do this with all the girls" and I just ignored it and proceeded escalating but maybe I should have addressed that somehow? Anyway it just seemed like she had a large bit of LMR and I followed the classic guidance of calmly leading and escalating but then I got fed up and she left.
Curious to get your guys' thoughts on what I could have done better / more honestly. The weird aspects are that she was pushing for another date both times and even suggested the place on the third date hence why I felt she was gonna be ready.
Posted Feb 19, 2019, 2:08 AM UTC
What a girl says and what she does are two different things, if she physically stopped you then stop. But don't "ask" just continue escalating. If she physically stops you or says "No" then you stop and let it go. LMR is a beast to deal with, reading body language helps loads. The short answer is stop talking so much and just do.
It was pretty classic LMR / anti-slut defense because she was sitting on my bed staring at me but when I would try to escalate she'd keep saying no but then not get dressed / leave. I asked her and she admitted she's less experienced sexually which is totally fine but after multiple times de-escalating and then re-escalating and failing I just got tired of it and kind indicated its over.
I might try to hit her up again because I understand she's hesitant and I could see myself making it a thing, at least short-term.
Part of the context to this is that recently I've been a bit less up-front with kissing chicks and tried to play it more cool until getting to the bedroom where sex "just happens". The problem is in this model it's she's not letting it happen and I'm trying to figure out where I'm not being transparent / honest about my sexuality and wanting her to open up and be vulnerable with me
That's very admirable of you. However it would be more productive if you stopped trying to explain your sexuality and just show your sexuality.