My child just came out...now what

PFLAG has become very trans-inclusive and might have some support groups. A therapist for both of you might also be a great idea, just to facilitate communication and build resilience for dealing with the inevitable stress of coming out. Then I think ice cream and mother-child manicures to celebrate!

Oh mama- right there with you! We’re only about three weeks out from my ftm son coming out. Takes some processing. Find a local support group for her and for you. Most major cities have resources. Good luck!

I'm a year into this with my 27 year old transgender daughter. I also highly recommend National Geographic's Documentary with Katie Couric called Gender Revolution. And I recommend having the link on hand to share with any disbelievers or people in your life with questions or doubt. First thing I did was sign up for laser hair removal . I and our family unconditionally love and support our daughter, however she is still extremely dysphoric and is transitioning at snail speed. She seems to constantly worry about what others are thinking. I too was relieved to find out what was going on with our child, because for over a decade she was hiding this from us and in a major depression and always sad... Wouldn't let us hug her, take pictures of her, look at pictures. Even though we finally found some relief and were happy to finally be able to help her, we also were very sad to loose the son we had known and loved for so many years. It was a hard mourning process. Taking down pictures. She wanted us to call her she right away, but has hesitated in changing her name, saying she docent feel she looks famine enough... Her voice is a huge dysphoria for her. I have tried to get her to go to voice therapy, use an online service, but she seems frozen and not willing to at this time. Suggest researching a therapist for her that specializes in a Gender Dysphoria and Transgender people. Don't forge to take care of yourself. Being a mom of a transgender child giving them unconditional love is a new kind of tired. I am happy to hear that your child has realized and has shared with you and is no longer hiding. I feel bad my child felt she had to hide for so long. Your girl is wise. Many wait until they are much older. Love to you and your family on your journey. If I can ever be of help, in anyway, please let me know. I didn't have anyone to talk with for sometime... And no one further along then me until I joined a local PHLAG TRANSGENDER support group. LGBTQ community also should have a transgender and transgender family support group... If there aren't any, maybe start your own. From what I see here on many different sub Reddits and here locally in Nevada (just like the other person mentioned above) transgender people are everywhere and it is a sin that in this day and age many still feel the need to hide due to society. I hope someday soon none of these beautiful people feel they have to continue to hide. Xoxoxo. I hope I haven't offended anyone... I only come with love and support.

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Mum of a 24 yr old Transgender son here. He has been transitioning for a few years now. I think it was harder on him than on us (his parents). Our entire attitude has been we didn't care what you were when you were born, so we don't care what you are now. It's who you are that matters, not what you are.

But the first year was rough. After quite a few all-nighters and hiding medication because my non-depressed child was so sad I was worried he would do something drastic. We finally had the discussion that much like if your body is sick and you see a medical doctor for help, sometimes our emotions get the same way and we need to see a doctor for that too. We shopped around and after 4 doctors found one that worked for him. That made all the difference in the world. It was like someone turned a light on in him. This could be something that you might find you need as well. Having that extra outside support is important.

Basically everyones journey is different. Don't feel bad if you can't be everything your child needs, but try to be that same guiding light you've always been and help them find whatever they need to support their mental, emotional and physical self. There will be many changes over the next few years as your child comes to terms and acceptance within themselves. They'll find the boundaries they are comfortable with but it's so important that they have that support at home that gives them the ability to do that. The support you provide will give them the confidence to face a society that isn't always supportive of what they are going through. And everyones transition is different.

Hug him lots. He's going to need that connection and you will too. This can be an incredibly lonely time for both of you and that physical connection will remind both of you that you're not alone in this.

The best advice I got was from a friend of mine. He told me that I was my sons ambassador to our immediate public. How I presented what was happening is how people would respond. When I thought about it I realized that this would be the hardest thing for our family. We live in a relatively small city and we have his entire life. The plus side of that too though is word spreads fast. And I realized also that if I didn't make it a big deal then I set the tone.

So to avoid that awkwardness that I knew would happen when someone stopped me on the street 'how is your daughter' 'hows XXX doing' I made sure that I wasn't embarrassed or awkward. I would very logically and kindly explain that she is now using male pronouns and prefers to go by his 'insert chosen name'. I didn't leave room to be embarrassed and I didn't leave room to be awkward and it was never a big deal. I did this unapologetically. I was his mom and I made sure everyone knew that didn't change — my husband did the same thing. This made everything easier for our son. He told me a year in that his coming out was made easier because we basically did the heavy lifting. So when people saw him in public places they just used his chosen name and his correct pronouns and it saved him from dealing with it for the most part.

My husband and I have always been really close with our son. And we still are, but to my absolute joy he and my son are more close now than they were before he transitioned. We used this journey in his life to really re-enforce that we were there no matter what he went through, the lines of communication stayed open and no matter what our home was his safe place. His journey was also our journey as a family. We made sure that at no point was he alone in that journey. I encouraged him to talk about even the most intimate things if needed. My husband and I became his friends that he relied on as well as his parents.

I'm not sure if any of this will help you, but the fact that you're looking for support and advice on how to support your child already speaks volumes. I know from stories our son has told us that trans kids (and adults) have it harder when coming out to parents that refuse to see them for who they truly are, so already you're a gift to your child.

All the best to you and your family.

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