r/RoastMe•
Heyec

7 years on reddit, and I've only gotten fatter. Roast me.

7 years on reddit, and I've only gotten fatter. Roast me.

Posted Feb 26, 2019, 9:49 PM UTC

1198
squirrelman9014•

Hey Asian JonTron how you been?

12
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

ACHK

3
2cents_sniper•

i have a solution to your overweight problem:

FLEX TAPE

4
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Do I eat it, because I don't see how its gonna help other than making me very sick.

0
2cents_sniper•

exactly.

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
peachmimosa•

So tell me again, exactly why did you buy a samurai sword from that one place in the mall?

7
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

I support local businesses.

3
CommanderSe7enGargoyle•

Your fingers look like they belong to a fat infant.

5
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

It's hard to ball with hands like an Asian school girl.

1
-----------stop•

Markiplier let himself go

1
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

The Pole dancing videos destroyed my confidence. I started stress eating. It's been awful, I'll be back up on that pole before long.

3
CgiBinLaden•

Love the screen that blocks the view of the anime waifu pillow surrounded by a crown of poopsocks.

5
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Lol, close, blocks my gentle baby skin from the sun.

2
CgiBinLaden•

Happy cake day, surprised the icon is still there.

3
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

It might be tied to time zone, it showed up shortly after midnight last night for me locally.

1
CgiBinLaden•

No... not what I meant...

3
gildedtoad•

Your beard looks like an inverted landing strip for both hotdogs and dicks.

5
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Ayy, those are in my top 3 favorite snacks.

4
cockhunt_katy•

Is the third bees?

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Apparently cake

1
kryptid-kid•

you look like a potato with a bowlcut

4
The_Oracl3•

Reddit is not the problem, KFC all you can eat buckets is!

3
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

You're right, it's destroying me.

0
CZ-MicK•

You have also grown a serious beard. Amazing growth of 7 years, keep going.

3
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Combing and Rogaine is my secret. 45 minutes a day, everyday.

3
mycathateme•

Andy Milonakis is ageless.

3
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

For he is time itself. Amen.

2
wavegod101•

Hey look it's foreverworld

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Lol. Uncanny, must be my long lost brother.

2
CheefeSosaBroke•

you can’t even achieve a proper beard

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Oof. Bullets and comments on my inability to grow facial hair, my only weaknesses.

1
ParkingAttempt•

I know it's your cake day but maybe you should try to have less cake

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Good advice! Any other tips?

1
ShadowTH277•

Looks are decieving. You ain't no John Tron.

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

I could never hope to be so great.

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

I prefer online distribution platforms. That way I can do my bits from my bed.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Took a while, but one of my jokes finally hit.

2
atah01•

If you were a super hero, you’d be Captain Diabetes.

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

I usually go by Type two.

2
RedneckFascist•

Antisemitism based on purely emotional grounds will always find its ultimate expression in the form of pogroms. A rational antisemitism, however, must lead to the systematic legal fight against and the elimination of the prerogatives of the Jew. ... Its ultimate goal, however, must unalterably be the elimination of the Jews altogether. There are only two possibilities: either victory of the Aryan, or annihilation of the Aryan and the victory of the Jew. Once I really am in power, my first and foremost task will be the annihilation of the Jews. As soon as I have the power to do so, I will have gallows built in rows—at the Marienplatz in Munich, for example—as many as traffic allows. Then the Jews will be hanged indiscriminately, and they will remain hanging until they stink; they will hang there as long as the principles of hygiene permit. As soon as they have been untied, the next batch will be strung up, and so on down the line, until the last Jew in Munich has been exterminated. Other cities will follow suit, precisely in this fashion, until all Germany has been completely cleansed of Jews. We are going to destroy the Jews.

1
headshotkurthttp://redd.it/ae30tx•

Andy milonakis and Markeplier had a baby?

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Markeplier would NEVER do that. I'm literally shaking rn.

2
jerzyshore1•

Don't sell yourself short, I'm sure you've gotten dumber as well.

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

I sell myself at 5'6 take it or leave it.

1
MrBlanco77•

A fatter, emo version of Joseph Gordon-Levitt

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

What? Haha. Thanks I guess. L

Edit: I seriously dont see it.

1
Melonmonopoly•

Your eyes scream virgin but your neck beard screams......virgin...neckbeard also screams virgin.

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

But what about my virgin ears?

1
scotty_o_cunt•

Legend has it, they tried to film 127 Hours on your chin, but the whole original cast plus crew got lost.

2
HeyecOPVerified Roastee•

Rest in peace.

1