Call of duty got me fired from my low paying job

Fluff

So let me start off by saying I have this addiction to COD. I wake up, play it, eat breakfast, play it, shower, play it, and sometimes I’ll bring my ps4 to school to play it. The grind never stops for ya boy. I have a motto tatted on my wrist, “shot punch 24/7”. That’s right, Im cracked.

Anyways, I work at a grocery store. I’m a stocker. Sometimes I get really bored and start thinking about COD. I day dream about becoming a pro, banging Silly’s girl, and just being the nastiest player on the sticks anyone will ever meet. I start saying random shit out loud when I’m really in the zone. When I lift something heavy up I’ll just say out of no where “I’m absolute” and someone will help me lift it. or when I see a spill and a customer is about to walk over it I stop them and say “yo just rotate let me get this time” and I’ll clean it up instead of forcing maintenance to grab the mop.

But last weekend, I was minding my own business, daydreaming about turning on Huke in round 11 game 5 SnD 1v1. Then this really aggressive father is yelling at his kid. The kid is like 14 or 15, not an actual kid. Anyways, the kid refused to follow orders, and the dad kept getting more furious and eventually turns physical. He starts pushing his kid, and the kid is crying. And this is late at night, so no one but me is near them. The kid says “I hate you” and oh my goodness, the father struck him across the face. The kid hit him back and pushed him against the wall, hitting his head. The dad was weak, looked really shook.

My cod instincts amped up. It was fucking go time. I thought I was on the main stage on gridlock. So I rush towards the dad and say “YO YOU’RE ONE SHOT LEMME GET YOUR TRADE” and I proceed to absolutely demolish the kid, fist on nose action. I was mind blown. I knew right there I fucked up. This wasn’t a gridlock round 11 SnD grand finals map in COD, this was real life. I just assaulted a teenager. But as the cops were dragging me out of the store, the dad whispered with a smile, “the good ole bait n switch.”

Posted Mar 4, 2019, 11:13 PM UTC · edited

1.9K110
KeyMoneybateSBattle.net :bnet:•

Who thinks of this shit

567
georgebreachOpTic Gaming•
93
[deleted]•

[deleted]

-45
InsufficientLoadCOD Competitive fan•
49
Philip_NixonOpTic Gaming :og: •
1
OiShoonerm8Kappa :kppa:•

r/thatsnotasubeitherhomie

-3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

-5
thouhathpuncakeCOD Competitive fan•
4
JumpShoT_Team Envy :nv:•

I guess I should say welcome to Reddit

23
PhotonicHeroOpTic Gaming :og: •

I should have known better

1
MajikMan16100 Thieves•

I wasted my time reading this

-1†
TinkleFairyOCG2 Esports :g2:•

That’s right, I’m cracked.

Something about this line is funnier than it should be lmfao.

249
Fupper666COD Competitive fan•

This was the part where I tasted the pasta.

57
MeltDown52MLG•

as soon as he said he had an addiction i realized he was too self aware for this to be serious

37
Throwawaydontmindme7England :eng:•

Sounds like something out of a sitcom, lmaooo.

8
Kraknoix007Gen.G esports :geng:•

Bro I legit started laughing out loud in public. The second paragraph is pure gold

244
F1R3STARYAOpTic Gaming•

The “I’m absolute” killed me lmao

26
JF702Pro Player (Team Envy) :nv: :vrf:•

drop a pin bro I’m beating ur ass

212
AverydryguyCOD Competitive fan•

Just a warning, he’s 6’6 and fully tatted

44
Xcel_regalOpTic Gaming :og: •

Don't mess with him, he's got the power of god and anime on his side.

4
elbravo1COD Competitive fan•

This is one of the best shit posts I’ve ever seen

114
ACupOfCheeseeUnited :eutd:•

"Bang Sillys girl" haha

97
branteenCOD Competitive fan•

I mean, have you seen her?

2
XLNCjdCOD Competitive fan•

Sentence of the year.

1
RBerserk_Red Reserve :rr:•

The second paragraph had me rolling 🤣🤣

61
lZ-ONEFinal Boss :boss:•

Our winner of daily shit post!

58
[deleted]•

[deleted]

12
ProjectAverageOpTic Gaming•

The Scump version of this is fantastic too

3
miguel7395100 Thieves :100t:•

Damn man, take out the cops and you're close to streaks.

55
JohnnyEaseSwitzerland :sui:•

First one to drop a gunship on them

3
Xcel_regalOpTic Gaming :og: •

I was one off streaks man, faaarkkk

1
shuttlesworthy1COD Competitive fan•

My store had terrible spawns. Couldn’t even rotate or break hill in cereal. Lost full cause there always people blocking mid every fckn time

38
sgamer•

Narrow fuckin lanes and no jetpacks scenes

7
[deleted]•

I’ll buy whatever you’re smoking, shit must be really good

30
Tropical12345FaZe Clan :faze:•

How long did this take

15
av_100COD Competitive fan•

Lmao "that's right. I'm cracked."

15
SoShweatyCOD Competitive fan•

This deserves more upvotes. “It was fucking go time” lmao

12
SupremeBigFudgeFariko Gaming•

This is the most I’ve laughed at a post in this sub in a long time. Well done lol.

11
MEGACODZILLACOD Competitive fan•

I'm blown away by how the "serious" competitive sub has a million times better sense of humor than the "casual" sub for the game in which the competitive scene is being played out in.

Dude, you fucking made my night. That was nothing less than pure poetry.

11
CanadianTueroCanada :can:•

new copy pasta

10
cg31199eUnited•

bravo.. seriously this is hilarious!

10
AsHDro1dOpTic Gaming :og:•

"I'm absolute" bro I'm in tears

9
ReciprocityVapeTeam Reciprocity :rec:•

Nice

8