I feel guilty for leaving my mom alone.

Growing up, I hated being in my unhealthy family life.

My dad was a pervert. I often discovered pornographic bookmarks under my female adult cousin’s names and daughter incest porn. I would catch him looking at my ass whenever I would be with him and I started to just avoid going near him at all. He is extremely sweet, generous and supportive but I’m so torn by this and I really want to spend time with him because he’s old and very sick.

My brother also a pervert and abusive, sexually abused 6 year old me when he was 16. At the time I told my mom but she did nothing. For years he would punch or drag me around by my leg, leaving me with bruises and black eyes.

My mom was no help with these situations but gave me what I needed for work. She was the one supporting all of us and always told me that I should focus on education and having a better life.

Now at almost 20 years old, I’m dating a great guy who asked me to move with him later this year. I mostly stay with him and I barely go to my parent’s house anymore because my brother and father still live there under my mom’s support. I dread whenever I have to go to pick up stuff and my visits are few, far between and only last a few hours each. My mom would stay with me the entire time when I visit. When I pack up to leave, my mom gets emotional sometimes and starts to cry. I feel guilty but I really hate being there.

Whether it’s sadness because of me finally going off without her guidance or if it’s me leaving her alone with them, I don’t know how to feel.