Claudia

This poem feels sad and wistful and hopeful, and was quite lovely to read. Your message certainly comes across by the end of the poem, and in a very sweet, gentle way. However, the rhythm isn't really consistent, and there are a lot of unnecessary conjunctions that drag it down. In a lot of cases, omitting "and" "then" "but" and "or" would strengthen the flow and the impact of your words. Also, maybe consider breaking this into stanzas so it's less overwhelming to approach. Overall, though, this poem explores a theme that isn't really talked about, and brings light to it in a beautiful way.

Ok so I'm getting the idea that this about a child of yours (daughter named Claudia?) who is somewhat of a burden. Not a burden in the sense that she is dragging you down or anything, but more like an emotional burden requiring a love you're not sure you possess and can properly display. The poem's rhythm is a bit off kilter and there's definitely room for more coherence although the message itself is mostly clear. Jumping from idea to idea is a little disorienting as well as the abstractness and lack of realia. I think adding more average everydayness might help bring the reader closer to Claudia and the message you convey, but overall good job! Thanks for sharing!

Necessit e is in the MOTIONLESS FOR S 'URE

incessance is incense insouicant

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