Source
r/OCPoetry•
Oxford_Press

A Writer's Best Friend - The first poem I have ever submitted for criticism.

Feedback Received!

They stare down from my shelf
Half filled with myself,
A window
Into my mind.

Little do they know
They’re filled with my wealth
And to my health
They are kind.

For in them are secrets,
My hopes and my bleakness
A future I am yet
To find.

I hide my ideas
With my dreams and my fears
But still, to my flaws
They are blind.

They couldn’t care less
About what I confess,
The mistakes
I am leaving behind.

Because it’s me that they’re here for,
My crypt and my core.
I’m the one they’re designed
To remind.

​

Reviews-
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/bl3ubn/every_book_in_the_world/
--
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/blayet/dandylyin_whine/

​

The post on my poetry blog.

https://www.oxfordpress.co.uk/a-writers-best-friend

Posted May 6, 2019, 3:49 PM UTC · edited

269
gfm3dx•

A very lovely read, reminding me of my own youth, of my own poems when I was young. You lead the reader through a story that is easy to follow, a quality I admire in a poem. Not many texts I read are as smooth as yours, sparking new interest with every stanza, creating believable images in mind.

Yes, the books(?) we read or the things we wrote are windows to our soul. In my experience, from years of writing, quite lonely places no one seems interested to take a look into.

I stopped at your window and took a look inside. Thank you for sharing part of your soul with me.

6
Oxford_PressOP•

Thank you for your kind words.
It was a love letter to all of the half-finished notebooks sitting on my shelf.
I wanted to apologise for neglecting them, I guess.

​

I'm really happy that you took from it what I wanted to get across.
Thank you, again.

3
2012742•

Hi! Lovely poem like someone else said. But I think it lacked bite. In a comment below you said this was " It was a love letter to all of the half-finished notebooks sitting on my shelf." but I didn't get that impression. I thought you were writing about finished books others have written.

Others may disagree but I'd find a way to make that more evident, in a way that gives it bite. Maybe while your humanizing the books, have the twist at the end be sharing how they feel about your love letter to them. Or something like that.

Cheers. The very redeeming quality to this was that is was as sweet as honey and easy to take down and read. It had a good sense of polish to it.

3
Oxford_PressOP•

Hello, and thanks.

I agree with you. There is a line that I am trying to fit into it. I don't know what it is yet and it might be a whole stanza between 'To Find' and 'I hide my ideas'. But at that point, I feel like there's a slight jump in the narrative. I'm going to try and inject that idea.

And thank you, again.

1
2012742•

Yup anytime. :)

1
darn42•

Love love love this.

​

"For in them are secrets, my thoughts and my bleakness... But still to my flaws, they are blind". An ode to the thoughts we wish to share, but can't find the time or place. To the home they inevitably find, without judgement, in our own personal history.

​

I don't pretend to be qualified to criticize, but I want to try and be helpful. This piece seems to have a very well-defined cadence in each stanza. That cohesion really impacts the poem in a positive way. For me, on first read, and even on subsequent reads, I struggle to find that cadence in the first stanza. It is certainly there if I am looking for it, but the pause I deliberately insert between "window... into my mind" isn't intuitive, especially on first reading, and it was a little jarring to read until I realized that.

​

Really though, great work. Through your poem I rediscovered my own love for the pocket books I carry around. Thank you.

3
Oxford_PressOP•

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm going to do a rewrite/edit of this to iron out some other details I want to get in there. I'll be sure to find a way to make that pause fit. I can see what you're saying about it not being as natural in the first stanza as it is in the rest of the poem.

​

Thanks again!

2
generationnotzzz•

the first line draws me in. Some really nice rhymes throughout. shelf and self, secrets and bleakness is especially good. the fact that the third and fourth lines all sound similar is ok but that fourth line cuts the voice of the narrator off a bit too soon, i think. the hide my ideas part is powerful, enough so that you coulda gone with that part more, disrupting the style up to that point, that 'But' seems forced. last two stanzas are good but you sorta trip yourself up after my crypt and my core. the sounds of some lines are very poignant. keep it up x

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