Tired of pain ruling my life

Hi y’all. Quick background, have had severe gastroparesis for over a decade. It has ruined my esophagus and my teeth, it was severe enough that last summer I had gastric bypass and my stomach was removed, in hopes of helping with the pain and puking. I have bad osteopenia from the years of horrible malnutrition. Currently I am having the worst back/side/rib cage pain that I’ve ever had. It showed up after having my last surgery and has not let up. Prior to this I had chronic pain, but this type of pain is absolutely destroying me at this point. I’m also having abdominal pain which they believe to be adhesions from the multiple abdominal surgeries I’ve had. I’ve been back and forth on pain killers for months, but I’m at the point where I have a tolerance to them. Due to the opioid crisis here my doc can’t change the dosing, and the medication has just stopped working well. I don’t want to be relying on these meds anymore, they change my personality, and I hate calling for refills and how I am treated. But I truly don’t know where to go from here. Kratom doesn’t work for me due to not having a stomach, and I’m not financially equipped for medical marijuana anymore. I meditate and do yoga and stretching, and before I lost all of my muscle mass I was doing massages. I’m truly at a loss for any way to find relief. I’m to the point where I think about suicide every day unfortunately. I have lost my ability to be happy, to enjoy things. I’m just so exhausted and in pain to do much. I can’t drive anymore, live alone, or work, and that destroys me. I just don’t know how to mind over matter this anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions? I just don’t know how others push through without medications and I just need some help 💔