And So Are You
My first time writing poetry with more structure, usually I do free form. I can't really get the hang of the last line in every stanza. I want to keep the repetition of "so are you" (or a variation of it), but the rhythm never sounds quite right.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you.
Fish leap up
From the waters of the Nile
Currents sparkling
Just like your smile.
Sadness is abundant
Sorrowful goodbyes
Yet suffused with tenderness
Like your dark eyes.
A pair of silken threads
Seamlessly intertwined
Trusting each other’s strength
Like your hand and mine.
A rainbow in the sky
Something you can’t miss
Bursting with pure joy
So is one sweet kiss.
Picnics in the sun
The sky, ever-blue.
Life is such a fantasy
But ah, so are you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/br5lvd/fools_gold/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/bq4dmf/a_short_yellow_dress_splayed_against_asphalt/
Posted May 21, 2019, 4:36 AM UTC
Hey, homie!
First off, I just wanted to say I think this poem is adorable, and it made me smile.
That said, if you’re looking to get more into formal verse poetry, I’m happy to offer what assistance I can. Formal verse is pretty much the only kind of poetry I’ve ever really had much of a grip on, anyway.
I think I can explain why the last line, “and so are you” doesn’t sound right, and honestly, I think it’s because the old classic “Roses are red” poem is actually kind of a bad example of proper meter.
I’ll show you what I mean.
In formal verse poetry, there are basically three key elements to proper form. The first is rhyming, which is pretty self-explanatory. The second is how many syllables you have per line, which—ideally—should usually follow a consistent pattern throughout. And the third is meter, which is the pattern of which syllable you stress as you read. There are different types of patterns poems follow, and those patterns are called the metric foot of the poem.
In the case of the oft-used “Roses are red” framework, the metric foot used is called ‘dactylic meter’, which means it’s one stressed syllable followed by two unstressed syllables.
For example:
Notice how the first syllable is stressed, followed by two unstressed, and then ending with another stressed syllable. So far, this follows the pattern.
Continuing on, you’ll notice the second line follows the exact same layout:
You might also notice the first syllable in the word “violets” is stressed, even though the last syllable of the line before this one was also stressed. So why do we have two consecutive syllables both with stress on them?
Because we also count the pauses in between lines as syllables. In this case, we generally read the poem with space for two syllables between lines. So what it really looks like is this:
Now, onto why this classic verse is actually a bad example of proper form! If we continue the rest of the verse as we have above, here’s what you’ll see:
First, the last two lines actually have one less resting beat in between them, because the last line adds a conjunction. (i.e. “And”) This is fairly common practice, and really isn’t a problem. However, the last line also forces the reader to pause between “so” and “are” in order to maintain the meter, which is kind of crappy form.
Whether or not you noticed this consciously, you seem to have corrected for it in your own poem, in which the last line avoids the mid-line rest by adding a syllable:
Good man!
^([Note: ^admittedly, ^you ^could ^also ^choose ^to ^read ^it ^with ^two ^resting ^beats ^between ^the ^two ^last ^lines, ^putting ^the ^stress ^on ^the ^words ^“And” ^and ^“you”, ^and ^avoiding ^the ^pause ^mid-line... ^but, ^for ^whatever ^reason, ^that’s ^not ^how ^people ^generally ^read it.])
In other words, you probably have found that the line sounds wrong in your poem because it was a flawed line to begin with. It doesn’t properly fit the pattern of the first three lines, and the only reason it doesn’t sound off to us is because we’ve all heard it a thousand times.
Tl:Dr — It’s not your fault that the “and so are you” line sounds off. It’s just not a well-written line to begin with.
Anyway, I know this was kind of a lot to throw at you, so if you have any questions, or want some more specific advice, feel free to PM me anytime. I’m always happy to share what I can. :)
Thank you so much for your detailed reply! I play piano, so the way you explained meter made a lot of sense to me. I guess I never really thought about meter in this poem, which just goes to show how much of a noob I am :)
No stress, man!
It’s probably the trickiest part of getting a formal poem to sound right, and it’s probably a big part of why this kind of poem is less popular—it’s a pain to write.
But, at least in my opinion, it’s worth the extra effort. Putting the finishing touches on a poem, and knowing you got all the pieces to fit into place just the way you wanted them to and really communicated the ideas you wanted to at the same time... it feels good.
It is undoubtedly a skill that requires practice and time before it starts to feel natural. I still get stuck trying to make something work a lot of the time, and I’ve been doing this for a few years now. But it does get easier, and it does get more fun.
Anyway... if you do decide to stick with it and keep practicing, I’m looking forward to seeing what you come up with next.