Will this ever feel "normal"?

I think it just takes time, but I'm not sure the fear ever goes away completely. I think good parents worry about their kids forever, don't they? With our trans kids, the focus of our worry is the trans part, at least until we see evidence of them navigating those issues successfully. In that way, it's not that much different from any other kid.

I had a lot of worry for my cis daughter too when she went off to college and moved into her own apartment. But then I saw her handling her own things, and each time it got a little easier.

My trans daughter is still living with me, and every interaction she had with strangers when she first started transition terrified me. What if someone is mean to her? What if they're violent? But each time an encounter went ok, it eased my worries just a little bit. And every time a stranger calls us "ladies", I begin to believe she can do this.

So I look at it as a more intense version of what all parents go through when the time comes for us to let our kids go and be their own people. Since you're just now spending more time with a daughter in active transition, you're right at the beginning even though you've known for a couple of years. It does get easier.

My daughter came out about five years ago while she was in high school. She spent the first year trying out her new life mostly with family. Everyone has been supportive and just let her set the timeline. She changed her name two days before her senior year started and on the first day of school went dressed in her new clothes and came out to all her friends and community. I can't tell you how terrified I was. All the same reasons as you have listed. Even though we live in a very liberal area, I still worried...

Now, almost three years later, she has a surgery date. She's only 20 and this is such a huge decision. I stare at the ceiling many nights when I should be sleeping. Not because I don't support her and her decision, but because I worry every day about how she will approach the world and whether it will welcome her or try to destroy her.

But on the flip side, she is the bravest person I know. I've watched her deal with things like TSA with such grace and patience. The way she's learned when to stand up for herself and the way she asks for help when it's too big. Her self doubt and also her strength in the resolve with which she navigates this journey. Yes, it's true it is related to being trans and that can never be separated from her growth. But these are all qualities I hoped my kids would develop. Every single one of them. I am extraordinarily proud of her.

As a mom, I will worry until my last breath. But her journey has given her a unique insight into the world and human nature. One very few are able to experience. I rely on this knowledge that she is the person she is meant to be to ease my anxiety when I go down that winding path. We will always worry, but at some point we do learn to let go enough to not be all consumed by it.

Best wishes to you and your family as you all walk this road together

Contextualize it. Everything is about tradeoffs. yes she is more likely to face violence and intimate partner violence, but she is also less likely to hurt herself. It takes time. I think the best thing that you can do to help yourself stop ruminating about it, is to look at these thoughts when they come up and confront them. So you're driving, and you think of your daughter. You're a little sad, and that's okay. Your feelings, emotions, and fears are valid. As you're feeling those emotions, try to lay on top of it something else ... What makes you happy about your daughter now? What makes her happy? Is she doing better in school, is she doing better at home, is the rest of your family doing well? You need to address, eventually, the feeling of loss that is valid, but you also need to let it go and start replacing it with positive and constructive emotions and new experiential memories.

It takes time.