I don't know what to do anymore.

(Sincere apologies, I did not anticipate that I would ramble on for so long. TLDR at the bottom.)

I spoke to a psychologist briefly from the university I attend. I dialed down everything Immensely for fear of being hospitalized. She said it was likely depression. (Not eating, weight loss, not sleeping, suicidal thoughts, self hatred, so on so forth.) I only spoke with her the one time though, seeing as I was mainly focused on minding what I was saying to avoid being taken away.

Skip ahead a few months and I tried to hang myself in my room, which as some may have guessed, I failed at (turns out that pipe could NOT support my wieght for to long).

Everything I do I just do robotically, I don't think or care about anything I do, I stopped playing hockey, I isolated myself to the point where there was nobody on campus I really knew. I am a complete failure, and it is only a matter of time before my grades will tank, and any future I am setting up will crumble. I have always been almost underweight, and now have lost 13 pounds in one semester, which I'm fairly certain isn't normal.

Skip ahead again, I am now back home over the summer. I still pretend to be the happy kid my parents knew and was bothered by. I maintain a job at an animal hospital. I'm playing hockey again. But I still dont care about any of it. I used to, but just can't anymore. The only reason I'm doing it is to maintain appearances for my family and friends. And I have no idea why I am still alive.

Basically I just have no idea what to do now. I hate my life, myself and my future. I'm tired of going through the motions simply for the sake of going through the motions. I feel like I'm just out of options. Nobody has any idea that I feel this way, or that I tried to hang myself, and I would rather they didn't.

I guess all I want to know is if suicide isn't the answer then what is. I dont have time for therapy, and even if I did, I would have to drain more money from my parents bank account to do it which would involve them finding out everything. And if I did go, they would just put me in a hospital. I'm broken and unfixable, so I see no point in even trying anyways.

TLDR: I suck. I failed at hanging. Can't do therapy. Wouldnt fix anything anyways. What on earth do I do now?