(23M)My (20)girlfriend has been leaving our (1&2)sons and I for her (22?M)ex. Losing my (feeble)mind.

Dense post ahead. Throwaway account for anonimity, like that helps. Looking for advice but discussion alone would be cathartic.

I don't have friends and most of my family is understandably uninvolved, but also sort of daft... So I don't have any outlets to vent or for advice. Also, make no mistake; I'm not trying to play a saint. Everyone makes mistakes, even me. Please don't get the idea that my children are anything other than my very first priority.

This girl and I have been together for 5 years or so. In this timespan we've had good and bad times, grown and changed as people, and have 2 beautiful children together both under 2y/o. We're both young ourselves and have little to no family support.

If I had to describe the first 3 years of our relationship in one word I would say "rough". There's a lot I could say about this era but I'll try to be brief. When I met this girl in our teens she was on a path of self destruction and nobody around her cared, noticed, or could help. Soon after meeting we were more than friends. The closer I got to her the more I realized how lost she was and the more I wanted to be there to help. This I did for a long time, fighting tooth and nail to save her from herself.

*Now I feel like this is a good time to clarify; I dont man to imply I thought I owed her this or that she even explicitly asked, but I thought she deserved better. I also don't mean to imply that I'm riding some high horse either. *

There was a time I stood in the face of 3 fiends with knives in an effort to stop her from buying heroin. There were many other instances like these but that one appropriately sets the tone. Meanwhile I had to constantly find out about her sleeping around, sometimes for drugs, sometimes just cause. This was mental torment. Again, I know I did it to myself, but I couldn't be another person in her life that didn't care or gave up.

Helping this girl effectively ruined my life, though. I don't blame her wholly for this, it just sucks. My relationship with my roommate was ruined, to the point that he left and told the landlord that I associate with drug users and wasn't allowed to renew my lease. She caused me to lose the same job that I held for years prior twice by making my life impossible to manage. She would lash out on my family when she was frustrated to the point that my family is left with a lasting impression. However through all this I still stood by her because I cared about her.

A couple years into our relationship I confided in her about something personal which weighed on me heavy at the time. Knowing this she almost immediately used that information against me, and sometimes still does to this day. She also exploited my trust and publicized this information and left a path of destruction in her wake, again negatively influencing my family relationships. She regularly weaponizes my insecurities without hesitation. Still, despite this I forgive her and try to see past her evilness because underneath that really is a loving, smart, empathetic person...

Things slowly got better. Maybe 3 steps forward 2 steps back, but still general positive progress both on the topic of our relationship and her personal health/safety/quality of life.

One day we found out she was pregnant with my first born son, at which point panic ensued. It was definitely an unplanned pregnancy but I'm not regretful at all. I'm extremely proud to be a father. At the time of this news we were not well-off financially, and needed to plan for our future.

We eventually came to decide that the best thing to do would be to leave behind the city she had literally never left in her entire life to live with my mother for a short time. My mother lives states away and this would not be an easy transition, but the benefits would be great. The cost of living is literally half price, as well as quality a of life increase, and a place for the baby on the way. In addition I was made aware of some job opportunities and soon after arriving I had 2 full time positions.

Being pregnant and/or moving really sparked a change in her that at the time I didn't realize. Looking back now I can see a total shift in her attitude, practically immediately growing up for the sake of our family... But hindsight is 20/20.

Here's where I admit my faults: Almost immediately after my first son was born (almost two years ago) I was approached by a (20-something)girl I worked with who flirted with me hard. Call me young, dumb, and full of cum or whatever you want... I know I didn't make the right choice, but I went along with it and cheated like a supreme asshole. I'm still not sure exactly why I did it, even after knowing how it feels to be cheated on. I can say, however, that I never want to do that to somebody again. I've learned a valuable lesson in this.

A few months later I was found out, and things started falling back to shit around me. My girls old attitude was back with a vengeance. Somehow through unrelenting conversation we decided to try and start over for the sake of our new family. We would leave each other's misdeeds in the past and try to move forward. I wouldn't hold her infidelities against her and she wouldn't me mine. In practice though, it was me wholly forgiving her while she still held anger and animosity toward me.

Meanwhile, since that time I have literally been everything she's asked of me. I sacrifice myself regularly for her happiness and let her walk all over me because I don't want to give her a reason to hate me. I know I'm not perfect, but since my mistake I've been working hard to be the best person I can be overall. This she doesn't recognize, or won't admit.

Granted, I tried to brush it off for months and months. I made the bed I lie in, so to speak... But this rapidly escalated into practical abuse. To this day I spend nearly every hour of my time next to her just trying to ignore the hurtful-ass shit she says to me over and over, and sometimes have to deal with physical abuse. Again, I know I had something coming, and I'm no [w]ussy, but it's gotten to the point where I'm literally afraid to even say one word to her...

A couple months after I was caught cheating we found out she was pregnant again. Another unplanned pregnancy, this time one she was scared of instead of happy about. We discussed available options and in the end decided to be parents of two.

Around the time of this second pregnancy her father had fallen ill and there was a looming threat of death. Understandably she wanted to go back home to be with her family. This we did, abandoning my jobs and the easier lifestyle to come back for her families sake, and I get that.

So we came back and found a place with a roommate (who has since moved out and we have the place to ourselves now) and I got a part-time minimum wage job as per her advisory while she worked as a PCA for her parents. Her father soon made a recovery and life continued this way for a while.

However after her father recovered it was back to the same games. Sleeping out with random dudes, exes, having inappropriate conversations with guys right in front of me out of spite, etc etc. For the last year at least I've been living in my own hell while she manipulates and abuses me in more ways than I can even list. Seriously, her torment is so next-level I'm often discredited completely. Further, because I don't have friends she regularly publicizes blatant lies about me when she's angry, etc... I literally don't even use social media because of her (which she holds against me because I "don't care enough about our relationship/our kids to post about them on Facebook").

A couple months prior to present day she made me lose another job. This wasn't in an indirect way like in the past either. She literally made me quit my >30hr/wk job because it was too hard for her with the kids while I worked... Again, just to make her happy. Wouldn't you know that now, she just holds it above my head that Im unemployed? She made me quit but every day since she's called me a deadbeat. It's not necessarily even the words that hurt (I know I'm not a deadbeat) but the fact that it's constant verbal harassment drives me crazy.

Most recently (the 21st) I found out she slept with her ex again (for the third time in 4 months, upteenth time in our relationship in general (among other men)). The last time this happened (last month) she came home afterward and kicked me out. My name is also on the lease, but to avoid her threats of filing false claims and violence I just left in stride. I can't stand to be that way around my children, especially when she'll loudly tell them their father is a piece of shit just to hurt me...

Anyway after finding this news out on the 21st I'm simply jaded. The whole situation is so played out. While I have cared greatly for this girl for a long time despite how terribly she's tested me, I've finally been broken. I've reached the point that she could be on fire and I wouldn't even piss on her to put it out. I'm so done. I just want my family.

But herein lies the dilemma; this girl ruined my whole life, I have nothing and nobody. I want to leave but don't have a convenient means to, or even support on the matter. I'm not capable of simply taking the kids somewhere next time she abandons us, but I do want to be there to support them regardless. I would love to take the kids with me but it's simply not an option until I can provide for them again...

Would I be right to leave to work on myself, and get my life in order for the sake of my children, so that I may one day (hopefully in the very near future) be able to provide for them without her help?

Am I obligated to stay and be cheated on and tormented for my children's sake?

Do I have other options?

Again, sorry for the density... It's hard to fit 5 years into one post. I've definitely left out a lot of (probably crucial) information, but I would be happy to elaborate on any details should the need arise. Also sorry for formatting, I've been writing this in notepad for days in short periods while she's not around. Also I hope I followed the sub rules appropriately; I've never posted here before, and I would really appreciate some rhetoric on my issues. I realize I should probably be seeing a paid professional but I don't have the resources at my disposal to accomplish that.

Tl;Dr: gf/"wife" keeps cheating and verbally abusing me. Can I leave? Would I be doing the right thing for my kids?

Edit: errors