im starving myself and i dont know why

i tried to eat yesterday, but everything tasted like cardboard and it was hard to swallow. i wasnt hungry but i knew i needed to eat. ive starved myself before, but that time it was on purpose. it brought a new never before felt anxiety thought on me. “why cant i eat me”

before when i starved myself for a week on purpose i never truly recovered. after that week i have minimal food and was still very drained. im scared. i dont want to feel this way. im waiting for my father to take me back to the therapist to tell them about my suicide attempts, cutting, headaches that might be migraines, attempting to throw up but failing and anorexia.

i have no appetite. i cant eat and i dont know why, i need help.