I'm (27/M) disappointed in my mother(49/F), and I'm not sure if I'm justified.

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about a week and a half ago, my stepfather (40/M) died, he had been together with my mother for the last 10 years, so he became like a second father.

it all started almost a month ago, when my stepfather was admitted to the hospital for severe pulmonary failure, at the time the cause was unknown, so for 2 weeks, they tried everything to get his lungs working. in the end they found out that he had pulmonary fibrosis, his only hope was a lung transplant.

he was accepted to one of the transplant clinics in my state, and for a while, it was looking good, his initial evaluation was good, and it seemed like he was going to be put near the top of the list for transplant, as he was a healthy young male who's other organs were working perfectly.

but upon further examination, it was revealed that he had a genetic condition that had a high possibility of turning into cancer later on in life. that killed any chance he had of getting a lung transplant.

between my mother and the doctors, they made the decision to disconnect him, as he was sedated to the point where he could not stay conscious.

He passed away 11 days ago 05/16/2019 at exactly 3:00 PM according to when I last felt his heart beat.

now, i need to also mention that my mother and stepfather were having marriage problems, and were very close to getting a divorce, all they had to do was sign the final paperwork and it would have been a done deal, but just before he was admitted to the hospital, it seemed like they were working towards solving their issues, he was back living with us and it seamed like they were doing good, even eating dinner together.

here comes the part where i am disappointed and utterly PISSED at my own mother.

roughly a week before my stepdad died, my mother brought home a "friend" and introduced him to us. apparently they had met through Facebook after he randomly added her. now this would be fine, my mother has the right to make friends. but here is the problem a "friend" doesn't travel 130 miles just to spend a few hours talking. now, i told her that this wasn't appropriate, but the conversation seemed to go nowhere with her, and she just kept saying "hes just a friend".

all this while my stepfather was in an ICU, intubated and struggling to breath for his life.

a few days later, she asks me to help her pay a ticket she was given because she "didn't have enough funds for the EZ-Pass" she told me that she got it when she was traveling to see my stepfather at the hospital. now this wouldn't have raised any suspicions, but the thing is, she got this ticket almost 80 miles from where my stepdad was hospitalized. in the exact same state where her "friend" lived. she got this ticket about a week before he came to visit our house for the first time.

and this is all while she kept calling herself his "wife" and saying things like "if God were to tell me to take him back, i would in a heartbeat." and a few weeks before my stepdad was admitted, i was going to go to the movies with a few friends, and she told me something along the lines of "be careful with what you do out there, i may not be there with you, but God is always watching." the hypocrisy of...this...stranger. i don't even recognize her.

and then, the piece de resistance

after my stepfather passed away, he was transported back to Puerto Rico, to be burred where all his family was, my mom essentially begged all my aunts and uncles to lend her money for the travel expense, she even made a big print of one of his photos to be displayed at his funeral. now i come home yesterday from work, the SAME DAY she flew back from Puerto Rico, and guess who i see. My mother, with her "friend" sitting in the living room watching Netflix. almost like she didn't bury her husband not even a few days ago. he's still here, they spent the night god knows where, cause they didn't spend it at our house.

and its not like she just moved on quickly. during his entire hospitalization, she seemed to be acting like it was just a minor thing, she was there almost every day to visit him, and all, but the way she talked...there was concern, but not the amount that i would expect from someone that is worried about her spouse. she didn't display the gravitas that i think the situation required. maybe i am being too serious about this situation, but i don't think its appropriate to make jokes when we are on our way to disconnect a family member. she cried as he died, but then again, so did my sister, and she was the one she got along with the least out of the three of us siblings.

and then the fact that my mother was fucking talking about him and all the times he did her wrong and that the reason this happened to him was that he stopped going to church, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS BODY! what in the hell! that is the most disrespectful things i have ever witnessed! i kept saying, maybe we shout talk somewhere else, but they just took it as me being uncomfortable in front of a dead body! telling me that i could wait in the meeting room if i wanted! FUCK!

and here i am, still crying every once in a while after almost two weeks, i keep thinking that the last thing i said to him wile he was conscious was "ill see you when you get home" absolutely confident that he would eventually pull through, he just grabbed my hand, squeezed and nodded, and my mom is...acting like she was never even married in the first place.

im pissed, im hurt, but most importantly, I am disappointing.

TLDR: my stepdad of 10 years just passed, and my mother is acting like nothing happened.

sorry for the grammar, i'm not exactly sober. i mean, shes not exactly following the words of the scripture, so why should I?

Posted May 27, 2019, 9:06 PM UTC