Told my family. The ED voice is making me regret it.

Hi, 21 y/o guy here. The title sums it up, I guess. This ED voice (more than a voice, it's like an intuition or a very, VERY mislead instinct) is telling me that I'm not thin enough to have told anybody and that my ED is fake. That I am exaggerating and that though I'm underweight and still see myself as huge, it's not a big deal because I truly am fat and need to keep seeing the numbers drop more and more.

There is a huge mix between motivation and regret in me, and today hasn't been the best day, motivation-wise. I'm going to have dinner in a while and I'm nervous, I'm being fed by my family and it's one of the scariest things ever because now that I've told them, they're giving me much more food than I feel comfortable with.

This damned voice makes me believe that everybody wants me to be obese when I know it's not like that. Plus, I haven't been diagnosed with anorexia yet, though I'm a psychology student and will be a psychologist next year and I feel like I'm capable of saying that I'm anorexic (which sucks, a lot). But the fact that I haven't been formally diagnosed makes my ED feel even more fake. Idk, there's so many factors to what I'm going through... my past, bullying, insecurities, being a chubby child, control issues, etc.

As this subreddit's name says. Fuck. Eating. Disorders. I just needed to vent, sorry if I'm bothering you guys.