Me [21 M] broke up with my gf [20 F] of 3 months, I feel awful about it. Advice?
Long story short, I left my gf because i was feeling depressed, unpassionate, unhappy, confused, a whole bunch of negative emotions I don't even know, I had a sort of panic attack before seeing her the day before and I was really unhappy. I ended the relationship because I thought I'd be happier outside of it, even though she was perfect. I thought the effort was exhausting me and making me unhappy. It was selfish and childish and I feel terribly guilty about it because she loved me. I wanted to talk to her again but called it off as I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Everytime I think about her I feel like tearing up. But I don't know whether it's fair to try and reconcile things if I'm not gonna be 100% on the relationship again. I don't know if wanting to leave was a symptom of depression or the relationship was cuasing it. I don't know if the awful feelings I have now with regards to what happened are regret or just guilt at what I did.
I was depressed most of last year and it led to me dropping out of university. I was really scared of becoming depressed again which was part of the reason I left, but I feel even worse now and I'm even more scared.
I badly need advice, although I can't even work out what's going on in my own head so I doubt internet strangers will.
I don't know whether to try and get back with her, move forward alone or seek some fucking therapy.
TL;DR Broke up with my gf, Feel many conflicting emotions and have no idea how to move forward.
Posted May 29, 2019, 2:35 PM UTC
I hear you, I've been going through something similar. I feel like I've just been running around in circles trying to figure out what to do, but I've come back at square one. I've been dealing with depression for the longest, and I also ended my last relationship due to depressive symptoms. The constant flipping of emotions, feelings of despair, everything of the sort just led me to impulsions and thinking that the best thing to do was to just call it quits. "Better that I get hurt rather than me hurting someone else" kind of mentality. It's been almost a year and I still feel horrible and cry over it. But don't push yourself to move forward quickly. It's going to take some time to process what happened, especially with having depression. Your thoughts are already cast in a negative light, so it will be hard to see the positive in things. I do recommend you reach out to her and just say how you really feel, but also make it a priority to focus on yourself first. You want to commit to yourself fully before you commit to someone else, and take the time to analyze whether or not you two were truly compatible and/or the depression was making things worse. Gain that trust and confidence in yourself again so that if you two decide to try and work things out, you'll be able to be stronger for both yourself and her.
And don't rush into a new relationship out of fear of continued isolation or guilt. I did that recently and it was extremely hard but I was able to be honest with myself and him about it. But it's a lesson learned to take time and rebuild yourself, even if it seems scary. You'll be alright. Relationships are filled with commitment and it's okay if you need to take time to commit to yourself first.
Hey, thanks for writing this. I really needed to hear it, in sorry you've also been struggling with the same thing I have, but it does feel nice in a way to know I'm not alone with what I'm experiencing. Thank you
No worries, I’m always glad to help. It also feels nice to know that I’m not alone, but I do have faith that we’ll be able to find happiness again in the future. Whether it be with our old partners or someone new, we’ll find someone in time ☺️