Boyfriend is distant after sharing my experience with him. I know I’m the victim but what can I do here?

Not sure if this belongs here but, oh well. Title seems harsh but context softens it a bit. I had an extremely toxic and abusive ex that my boyfriend knows about. I recently unearthed a collection of repressed memories of my ex guilting and even forcing me into performing sexual acts.

No details, but it was traumatizing to remember, and I wanted to share that with my SO because we’re having bedroom issues. Mostly issues with me not wanting to do sexual things most of the time. I thought that if he knew another reason for my turning away from being intimate, he wouldn’t take the rejection as his fault. The longer I’m with him, the more comfortable I am with the idea of being intimate. I have past trauma and I’m becoming more in tune with the part of myself that is sexual.

We’ve had discussions that it’ll happen when I’m ready. And although sometimes he asks for specific things, it doesn’t feel the same as the pressure I’ve known before, and I have no issue turning him down. Before I told him about my assault, he would verbally ask questions to gauge my comfort level. He never violated anything. Never tried to coerce me. I’m aware the bar is low, but I want to reiterate that he has done nothing wrong.

That was before. Now after telling him, he is more or less moping. I think by sharing what I did, the part of him that wants sex has been shamed a bit. He feels wrong and has admitted that he is disgusted with himself for asking. I think he is specifically uncomfortable with the verbal “is this okay?” questions, because he thinks asking is pushing me. It’s not, because I know there’s no pressure to say yes.

I realize that if I give him the details and walk him through exactly what was done to me, he would know that it’s different from what was done to me.

However, I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that. I feel like this is something he needs to work through on his own. Because ultimately I am the one who was hurt in the past, and if I focus on comforting him, I will slow down my own progress. It concerns me that he feels like he is the same as my abuser, when he is just a horny guy who loves his girlfriend.

How can I encourage his sexual side without going out of my own comfort zone? Is this even something I should bother with? Any insight is welcome