Dear Diary, Day 86

Dear Diary,

It’s been 86 days. I am starting to feel like myself again. I look to the future and I see hope. You know I never believed in that 5 stage of grief stuff but looking back at it. I get it. I went through that for 86 days.

Have I removed you from Snapchat? No. Instagram?Not yet. Maybe it was the denial. Maybe it was a way of connecting to a old friend. But now when I watch your Snapchat. Nothing. I see your smile and..... nothing.

86 days later and I see other fans worshipping you on the streets. But they just aren’t the same. Maybe it’s a jealousness but the fans seem..... worse? I don’t know diary. These are just my thoughts.

I see you post pictures of you in that jersey and honestly I laugh. It looks like a joke. How could you think that jersey compares? Diary he went from being the King to the biggest castle to the King of New Jersey. I don’t think he even understands that New Jersey doesn’t even have a King. And no. Not talking about you Leveon Bell.

86 long nights. And I’m starting to see you in a different light. I remember how cool it was for you to do free autographs. You’d give everyone your address and wouldn’t leave training camp til everything was signed. Now I see JuJu and I see water balloon fights. Taking people to prom. Being truly a stand up piece of the community. Was I blinded by your greatness?

Maybe I’m just remembering the good times wrong, or maybe they were too long ago but things seem foggy. I remember the good times, but the bad times are shining in such a brighter light for me.

86 days you left and I haven’t seen this team so United. Ben does that lake trip every year. But why did it feel different this year? The Steelers feel different this year. Maybe I’m in denial and I’m having this false hopes but isn’t this togetherness what helps the Patriots be the Patriots.

86 days ago.... wow. Three months diary. You know the last time I said my business was boomin? I didn’t even flinch. I made the comment and the looks were given to me. You know. Looks of pity. But I used it because I like the phrase. Not because of you. I didn’t even think of you when I said it.

You know it’s been 86 days but the pain has gone away. I look at you and I just feel...... nothing. I used to feel anger, sadness, there was even a time where I felt bad for you. Blamed it on an injury. But now. Nothing. You went from my role model. To an idol. To someone I strived to want to be like. To now I look at that big smile and..... nothing.

I know it won’t be easy to replace you. Greatness doesn’t come every day. I am not blind, Juju will be great, but your talent doesn’t come around every day. I wish you the best of luck but 86 days later and I feel free of you.

Goodbye MBC,Ronald Ocean, Big Money, Tony Two Taps, Boomin, but most of all.

Good bye Antonio Brown.

Lucky Diary this is just between me and you. How embarrassing would it be if I accidentally posted this on reddit. Oh til tomorrow Diary!