Need some advices, almost DB but I want to "relight the flame" with my wife..

Hi Reddit users.

Need some advices from the r/deadbedrooms community.

Since I'm a french native speaker, I'll try to write with best english ;)

We're a couple of 38 (Wife) & 36 years old (me), 2 childrens, and  it's been a few months to 2 years that our relationship or at least tenderness/sex side sounds alike a DB. 

We both went with some up and down in our relationship & health, let me explain a little bit:

From my side, for a few years I was a chronic alchoolic person (not that I used to drink a lot but I drank everyday at least 1 to 3 gin's),  so after few health problems (burnout, kidneys stones) and few arguments with her I decided to go to rehab. Since almost years I'm clean & sober now!  (And happy with that). Not taking any medication anymore since 7 months.  Working more and more to invest in our relationship than before (Restaurant, Flowers, etc.).  Personal Note :due to my previous alchoolism, I lost contact with almost all of my (closest) friends due to my fault.

From her side, she is overweight and has diabetes (thus taking medication), we had 2 children together, and unfortunatly one miscarriage 1 one year ago.  In few months she will have surgery to improve her weight (bypass or sleeve).

She also decided to change her career, and she's finishing her last 3rd year of Nursing... Thus lot of stress...

I'm just sick and tired of few things that I cannot find a solution on my own:

• She's less into tenderness side (compared to me), I mean I'm giving more hugs and kisses than her, she's less giving tenderness than before...
• Every "serious" talks are on my demand, not coming from her side.
• Sex is still there but less often and there is no "fun" anymore (earlier in the relationship she has kinky toughts/ideas), and it's seems to me that's  an obligation now when she asks "Do you want to f***?" . Previously there was sex alchemy and it was all natural, coming without words either from her side or mine...
• She's still complaining that I'm less self confident than when I was drinking (fyi she's not drinking alchool).

We did stop use birth control pills & now use condoms 9 months ago.... Well it gave a little "up" but everything went down as fast as it came...

I'm totaly lost, sick and tired because I'm putting a lot of energy into making efforts and I cannot find a solution on my own to fix it (even with "serious" talks with her)...

It's looking like more and more to a real DB, I mean that I found myself thinking "shall I find someone else to find for tenderness (I mean hugs) and sex (less mandatory and a little bit more kinky)".

I'm someone serious who still consider marriage as an institution, and I don't want to "go elsewhere" or to go to see some prostitute. 

What do you think reddit people, any (medical?) advices?

Thx

^s830309