35 [M4F] Seeking Online/RL Mistress for Long-Term Service

Please pardon the length of this post. I hope it fully explains the situation that I am in and what I'm hoping to find. Thanks in advance.

I am a married, 35 year old man. I have a wonderful life, an amazing wife, and a wonderful family. However, I have also grown and changed over the years and learned more about myself as a person.

I don't think I knew who I was very well as a kid and not even in college or soon there after. I started figuring things out later in my twenties. And I don't just mean sexually, but rather what gives me satisfaction in life, what my interests are, and what makes me tick. I have a better understanding of that today, but it's taken a lot of trial and error as well as self reflection.

Obviously, I'm here because I've learned that I am a submissive person. I have tried to explore that in a variety of ways -- some healthy and some no-so healthy. I've also tried to open up to my wife about this in the past year, but she's made it clear that it is not something that she'd be interested in exploring.

This has led to complications in our marriage, but we're managing it because we do love one another even though we don't always understand one another.

I'm here because I am genuinely interested in finding someone to be my whole self to. I feel like I'm hiding a very large part of who I am from my family and friends. But then, when I've had an opportunity to show my submissive side to some people, I hide the person that I am to the rest of the world.

Is it possible to find a real, caring, experienced Mistress who I can trust and with whom I can share my full self? I don't know, but I hope so.

Thanks for reading. I hope to talk soon.