We South Asian women need to treat ourselves and each other better

I admit that we deal with a LOT of issues from our families. We have moms bringing down our appearance; we're never going to be fair enough, skinny enough, cultured enough, beautiful enough, etc. They'll tell us we aren't 'sanskari', to not wear shorts around the house because we invited an uncle over, that our rotis aren't round, that we shouldn't be out in the sun for too long or we won't find anyone that would want to marry us. We can't walk around with a boy because 'log kya kahenge?' We have fathers that don't us out of the house past 10pm and force their conservative views down our throats.

We're born as first generation Americans with parents still tied to Indian customs and traditions that don't work anymore in Western countries or in modern cities of India. We're finding a hard time balancing our Indian and American culture that define us. We dealt with racism, bullying, getting 'randomly selected' at airports, called names like 'curry-scented b****' if we reject white dudes at clubs, etc.

What I find the most difficult is to be around real South Asian women as friends. We've been raised by parents that judge their friends' kids on their behavior and good grades and we're learning it from them. Growing up, I was guilty of this because I was raised to feel a certain way about someone's daughter and it's corrupted my mind. I had a lot of self-confidence I needed to build up (still working on that part).

That being said, we need to stop this bulls*** with each other. Stop talking behind another woman's back because she loves having safe sex with different men. Stop judging a woman because her grades sucked in high school and college. Stop rallying other women against someone because you don't agree with her lifestyle. Stop it with the two-faced behavior; you got something to say to someone who has hurt you, then tell it to her face. I lost count on how many times I've heard women talk about me behind my back and when I confronted them, they had nothing to say. Hey, I'm NOT perfect; when I was a kid I did the same stuff. I judged other SA girls, I talked behind their back, I had no self-confidence so I was projecting and shaming other girls who pretty much is doing what I've always wanted to do. I learned my lesson way back then and tried to become a better person. Even though I was feeling low about myself, I decided I wouldn't hurt a woman's (esp a SA woman) feelings just because I was raised in a toxic, judgmental environment. SA women, we all can do it too. Take care of ourselves, and take care of each other. Listen to other SA women, we're all in this together. Bring each other up, because God knows who is bringing them down. We're allowed to enjoy sex, wear clothes that flatter our bodies, struggle with grades in school, disagree with each other openly but still respect each other. We owe it to ourselves and the next generation to not spread the negativity from our past generations. If we don't, we learned nothing from our parents.