How do you date people when you can't carry a conversation?

I have the problem of being a naturally quiet dude. I just don't talk much. I used to have anxiety but conquered it, however it's left me with no real social skills when it comes to conversations.

So I'm the quiet guy who everyone eventually likes if you get to know me. It takes time. My closest friends are all people who had to take the time because I work with them. My weakness is getting to know people at faster than a snail's pace in a dating scenario where they probably won't like all the silence up to that point. I'm 100% confident in myself as a person and as a prospect but I'm not confident that I can express myself in a way that is anything but slow. I feel this limits me.

I can't even carry conversations with good friends. I'm the quiet friend who is maybe comparable to Creed from The Office. I have one line an episode but it's usually a good line. But that doesn't help you get to know the character that well and it takes forever (and Creed is largely still a mystery).

I can't do that thing where two people talk all night and lose track of time. I can't do what I see friends that are couples do, and that is just entertain each other and converse near constantly, giggling half the time. I just can't see myself being able to hold those conversations I want to be able to hold. Instead I feel like I'm 95% silence.

Why? I just can't think of anything. I heard some friends talk about their experiences in their life. Like everyone has a story. What stories do I have? Like none. I don't know what it is about my brain, but I Just don't seem to register stories. If I really thought all day I'm sure I could remember stuff and tell something about my childhood, something that impacted me. But generally I can't. How the crap do people have all these stories in their minds that just pop up? I can't improvise. Even if it's stuff about me. I just don't seem to internalize stuff and live almost entirely in the moment and future.

I have no idea... I'm just kind of doing a trail of thought. Nothing comes to mind when I converse. I've gotten rid of the blockages like anxiety. I'm in a good place in life and I'm noticing that I knocked down a lot of walls but behind them aren't full conversations but the same old barely talking me... This is what I am. A guy who can't talk efficiently and cannot seem to express myself. I feel like I might be mentally challenged or something. I break down the walls and I still can't do this one simple thing.

So how the heck do you get to know someone while dating if you cannot express yourself? I've read a lot of guides and stuff but it hasn't really helped. I still can't think of things as continually as carrying a conversation demands. And I cannot seem to get to know people or more importantly "click" with people because of my social skills.

I just finally conquered stuff like anxiety and I'm still finding myself limited simply by skills it seems. What the heck can I do? I enjoy the quickest fixes possible (aware this is probably not a quick fix) and am always up for a challenge.

Posted Jun 4, 2019, 3:16 PM UTC · edited

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