It feels like I'm sending her to the executioner

Please forgive my long post. I'm 7 months pregnant and my cat, Daffers, hasn't had the best of luck in 13 years.

Once I thought she ran away for a whole day because she was trapped under my fridge. Later she swallowed an almond that cost me $4000 and nearly made me homeless. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with feline diabetes.

It was always a tough go but she'd come back happy and strong once the issue was sorted.

This time I noticed she wasn't able to eat and the vet found a rotting molar and a growth behind it. I figured once removed and healed I'd have the same silly, face patting kitty that she was 2 weeks ago.

Unfortunately the tumor is aggressive cancer that moved to her jaw and although she is quite herself, she just cannot eat and is having trouble even yawning.

Today she's booked for her final vet visit and it's killing me. I feel like I'm sending her to fulfill a death sentence and each hour it's getting harder to imagine that this evening and every evening after she will be gone.

I try not to cry around her because I don't want to make her more upset but I can't help feeling that there's got to be a way to save her, even if it means for a few more years. I can't, there isn't and it's only downhill from here as she continues to starve herself.

I'm sorry Daffers. I'm sorry for all those hard times you felt your worse and probably wanted to go but I couldn't let you because I was afraid of the emptiness left in my heart. I'm sorry you won't be able to meet and look after your coming human sister.

I'm sorry I can't be so selfish and be able to find a way to make you better this time. I'm sorry we have to say goodbye in a place you hate.

I hope you forgive me and know how much you mean to me.