I kissed my crush while in a relationship, drunkenly

Apologies for the large wall of text, I didn't plan on writing this much.

I was a 16-year-old boy and had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for roughly 3 years. We had gone round my best friend's house to marathon a series of movies with our friendship group (about 12 of us, all girls apart from me, the host, and one other friend). He had a high quality projector in his living room, and we were sprawled across his parents' sofas and floor. By the third movie, everyone had started doing shots in a sort of film-related drinking game, aside from one girl who hadn't started drinking at that point - a good friend of my girlfriend. Think, every time a particular character made a certain facial expression - drink!

Towards the middle of the movie, I had done about 10 shots. Everyone else had quit after 6 or so, but my friend (the host) and I kept going, and I was getting pretty fucked. I can't remember how exactly, but we pretty much just abandoned the movie marathon and split off in different places across our friend's house. What do drunk teenagers do best? Kiss, of course. I witnessed two friends (both female) making out with each other - I didn't know that either were gay/bi (well, one of them is bisexual but the other is straight as far as I know). I 'joked' that watching them kiss "turned me on" which I have felt pretty gross about saying ever since, and the fuzzy image of the sober non-drinking friend who was also in the room awkwardly looking at me haunts me to this day.

After that I went out into the garden and sat on the grass, slightly damp with dew. My crush (who I thought was strictly lesbian, since she was in her first relationship at the time, with a girl also present) came out and sat close, across from me, just on the patio. She moved my hands around her waist and said "kiss me". It was all I had dreamed about for the two years before I started my relationship, and well, also during it...

Trying to be at least somewhat faithful to my girlfriend, I kissed her on the forehead and mumbled something like "nah, you don't want to do that...". I was pretty fucking weak-willed, cause when she asked again I didn't hesitate, and although it only lasted for a few seconds (the kiss, that is.), and I was incredibly drunk, it's one of my most vivid memories of being a teenager and something I just can't forget about.

After we kissed, we both went up to our friend's bedroom where he was listening to some music, with the other guy (who is gay - I have also kissed him, but perhaps that is best left for another story). I should mention at this point, that my friend is bisexual, so am I, and I had come out to our group a few weeks before this night. So since everyone was kissing, and he was kissing everyone, it made sense that we should too. I said something goofy after we did like "Ah, now I'm a certified bisexual!", it seemed appropriate.

There came a point in the night when everyone was finally getting tired, and a few had gone up to the loft conversion to sleep in the sofa bed there, while others had opted for the sofas downstairs. I slept in my friend's bed with my girlfriend, one of the weirdest sleeping experiences I've had, just mulling over my thoughts.

The next morning, everyone reconvened in front of the projector screen and finished off the marathon with the last two movies, along with some coffee and pancakes, graciously cooked by the host. The atmosphere seemed half normal and half not, like everyone had chosen to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened the previous night. Maybe it was me being my usual self and misunderstanding facial expressions.

My girlfriend and I went back to my house, a few minutes away, on the way back to hers. We discussed the shared events of the night, but I didn't say anything about me kissing anyone. In fact, she said that when everyone was kissing, and my friend was going around kissing everyone they decided they shouldn't kiss cause it would be "a bit awkward". I feel like she did kiss some other people that night, not that I would, could, or should hold that against her (see this entire post, and what feels like our entire relationship).

A year or so later, we got into something of an argument and she said something to the effect of "well, I know you kissed [girl's name]". Now, in this instance [girl's name] is not the name of the girl I had a crush on and kissed, but rather one of the girls who was kissing her friend that night... As much as I would love to remember that, I have no memory whatsoever of kissing her, although being the lecher that I am, I have drunkenly flirted with her both in and not in the presence of my girlfriend (an incredibly shitty thing, I am aware), to the point where my crush asked me if I was cheating on my girlfriend with her. I have yet to find out whether or not I did actually kiss this girl, and I am patiently waiting for the day when I can bring this up.

I still wonder to this day if my crush remembers the night, the kiss, as vividly as I do. I've seen her loads of times since that night, and the relationship between us hasn't been incredibly awkward (considering how awkward it was after my infatuation with her was revealed to our class when we were 12), but I doubt she does.