Very triggered by passive aggressiveness. Is there a difference between PA and anger?

I had been dating a guy seriously for a few months. I would sometimes find myself in a place of feeling I couldn't trust him or was confused by him. I didn't automatically jump to conclusions and would address it with him seeking understanding. He was always patient and understanding and so this gave me a feeling that I could trust again. Sometimes his explanations made sense, other times they didn't or confused me more. But overall, his tone toward it I think is what made me feel like I was in a safe situation again. I brought up a confusion/concern maybe once a week, in a reasonable way I think. I mean, after all, I was still trying to get to know him as well.

Then one night, I brought up a new confusion/issue....and for the first time I sensed a passive aggressiveness, he referred to my concern as "your little list". While I understand if I was causing issues and he was frustrated, it was at least the first time he expressed frustration/passive aggressiveness (are they the same thing?)

Long story, but I eventually decided to cut things off...he had been busy and we weren't able to talk yet, but he asked me through text about us going to two different places, and i answered honestly that I couldn't go anymore. This was also the first night we could talk, so he called me as soon as he was available. He seemed frustrated (an unusual expression of his)...and I referred to a sense I had that he was frustrated with me when he said "your little list"...i wasn't bringing it up because I was offended, but rather to understand what he was feeling...he knows I'm always happy to hear what he wants to share, but I felt he was guarded here.....and that if he was frustrated with me that it was ok....like, maybe he had a concern about us. But straightaway he replied with another passive aggressive remark, "oh, that made the cut? That's cute". Again, this passive aggressiveness felt very different than his previous dealings with me (and yet confirmed an intuition I had)....this sort of uber-patient/understanding person. I would understand if I was causing problems, but I simply wanted to know. Eventually I addressed the point that I felt a large disparity in our communication styles, and he got more and more the sense that I was ending things. It was here that he said, "well, maybe we aren't compatible. I'm tired of having to explain myself." This didn't offend me, but it was the very first time he had expressed it....despite the fact that I've always been encouraging of honesty and transparency. But his tone in this conversation was very hardened and I sensed an anger that I wasn't used to (in concrete terms).

I feel like this conversation only solidified the confusions and concerns about manipulation from the very beginning. But I never tried to accuse all that time, but try and understand....and his comforting/understanding would seem to always kind of erase my feelings. He'd always say I could share anything I wanted. I expressed the same to him, but he was noticeably more guarded.

So when I fully was clear that we needed to end things, I expressed that it was because of my confusions, a core disparity I felt in that he used communication differently than myself, a sense that he was just people pleasing a lot with me, and not asserting his true feelings. This quality made him seem confusing and shifty and unknowable....like I didn't really see him clearly. There was a list of things he said over our dating experience which were mildly hurtful/confusing/suspect as well, but I tried here to sort of summarize the core difference.

It was strange, and somehow confirmatory, that he suddenly dropped the hardened/passive aggressive tone and was now sort of pleading with me to try and grow in the area I addressed. But his pleading felt uncomfortable to me....the core issue felt too big of an issue to me, for one....but I also didn't feel comfortable with someone proposing they would change a core aspect of their personality for me. He even agreed with me that he had the issue I addressed. He seemed almost desperate now, and even tried convincing me through saying things like relationships are work, that I am expecting perfection, etc. He denied that either remark was passive aggressive, he described it as being "sassy" and even implied it to be acceptable as a part of gay culture.

As I've thought back on the break up, I focus on how I don't have that confused feeling with my closest friends, or even my few past dating experiences (except one). I'm not sure that I naturally distrust, though I know I can go there probably more than is normal. I try and think of my friends and how they'd react to my bringing up issues (which I don't, because there aren't any hardly ever) and I can sense they may get frustrated after a certain point, but I don't think I'd have a feeling that they'd flip into a hardened state, communicating this feeling of I am displeased with you.

I react very negatively (internally) to passive aggressiveness, and those closest to me don't use it, just naturally. I want someone to just say what they feel. If they're frustrated with me (which my friends aren't, that I'm aware of) their tone would probably be one of frustration+I still love you.

I can't help but feel his sudden passive aggressiveness was indicative of a problem I long suspected...of a sort of covert, maybe even unintentional manipulation....or an unintentional need for control. Its not difficult to imagine that he was just trying to control the situation in the end, albeit more visibly, and feeling shifty to me. But maybe I'm reading too far into this. Is there ever a time where passive aggressiveness is acceptable or not reflective of something unhealthy? Maybe I've taken it too seriously.