(M22/F23 - UK to Aus) At a crossroads

Im going to try and write this as objectively as I possibly can. It would be unfair on my girlfriend to write only my side of the story, and we need to hear what needs to be heard, as opposed to what we want to hear. Also sorry for the wall of text, but hopefully you can help us.

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A bit of background info for you all:

I live in the UK, I have just finished my Degree, and am currently working on becoming a Freelance Artist. I have currently moved back to my hometown and am living with my mother for a few months, until I have the funds to either move out, or I get accepted on the JET (Japan English Teachers) Programme.

My Girlfriend lives in Victoria, Australia. She works in her home town as a waitress at her local pub. She has been working there for just over 2 years at this point, she currently rents a 2 bedroom house close by to where she works.

We have been together for over 3 years now, we began dating just before I went to Uni. When at university I did a semester abroad at a University in Melbourne, and we used this to live together on the outskirts of Melbourne for 6 months. My Gf kept her job in her hometown and commuted to and from. I had an about a 40 mins commute to University that I would take 3 days a week. As far as I was aware we both thought that it went very well and that we were very compatible when it came to living together and we both decided that this is what we wanted in the future.

Our plan always was to close the gap at the end of this year, once I had graduated and I would move to Australia to be with her, as I have always had an interest in Living abroad. However, my original goal before meeting my Gf was to live in Japan. And as I came close to completing my degree, the more I wanted to at least fulfil my original goal to an extent. I understood that this would be something that my gf would not want to do, so the JET program where I live there for a year sounded ideal.

I discussed this with my girlfriend and she was all for the idea. All plain sailing.

We then got onto the discussion of what would happen AFTER this. And this is where our problems began.

Currently, my girlfriend lives about 60-90 minutes away from Melbourne, deep in the countryside. She is very happy with where she is, as all she has been working towards is owning a house and having cats. (One of the cats we got when I was living in Melbourne with her).

She wants me to move to where she currently is, so she can keep her job and the house she is renting currently. This is where the problem lies.

I am happy to move to Australia, under the condition that we move closer to the city for a few reasons.

- The city has greater job opportunities, especially in the creative fields that I want to enter.

- We would be closer to everything, be it attractions, the beach, the city, or the airport.

- I grew up in a place much like where my gf lives now. During that time I realised that living in a place like that would make me miserable. My mental health when I was 16-18 was so bad that I would have a panic attack almost every night for nearly 2 years. I fear that living in a town like that again would cause my now stable mental health to once again deteriorate.

However, my girlfriend does not want to leave where she is living now and I don't believe that this is fair. She is asking me to sacrifice my friends, family and lifestyle just to be with her, and yet she is willing to not make any changes to her life whatsoever.

When I brought this up with her she told me that she never said I had to do any of this and that I shouldn't uproot my life just for a girl. Every time she says this it makes me feel as though I have wasted the past 3 years of my life. She also suddenly decided now to tell me she didn't like living in Melbourne, something that would have been nice to know about a year ago. Also due to her long commute to her full-time job, I don't believe she actually had time to experience the city, for when she had days off she very rarely left the house. She didn't even realise that we lived about 500m away from a golf course until i mentioned it a week before we moved out. She is also under the assumption that we would be living in the city, something that I have never actually said we would have to do. I just asked if we could move closer to the city, and that we could still live in part of the country.

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My argument is that All im asking of her is to move what she currently has, an hour south. At the end of the day she would still have a house, a cat, a garden, and all her friends, would still not be that far away. And it is not as though that if this decision will be permanent and that if this makes her miserable, she can always move back home.

Comparative to what I will have to give up I feel that this isn't too much to ask. But she refuses to budge on any form of compromise.

I did say I would try to make this as unbiased as possible, so I will try my best to explain the other side of the argument.

Whereas I have a very "The grass is always greener on the other side" mentality, my Gf has more of a "be grateful for what you wish for" one. I don't think either of these "lifestyles" are wrong, they will just clash. She doesn't want to lose the things that she has worked these past few years for to finally achieve. And in her words. " I should only move and get a new job if I want to not because someone else wants me to " (that is an actual text I received recently). She has gone through something similar to what I went through in terms of mental health while growing up, and I must stress I do not want to play that down.

She has mentioned to me her disdain of living in the suburbs or the city and that moving from where she is would make her unhappy, much like me living in her hometown would make me unhappy. We are yet to figure out a place that would satisfy us both.

Her goal currently is to build up enough experience to own her own bar, hotel or florist. Currently she is one of the leading staff members at the pub and on most days its as if she runs the place. She has a very close relationship with the two owners and is friends with most of the staff members. They go out to the local wine bar every Sunday. It is this close net of friends and lifestyle that she is afraid to sacrifice for me, and I completely understand this. She likes the idea of having a bar in a small town where she knows the locals, and can build deep and meaningful relationships with her customers.

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That being said, everything she has said, every excuse she has made in the past few days in regards to this, seems more that she loves her life currently more than she loves the idea of being with me. She denies this, but then she keeps telling me that I shouldn't be doing this all for a girl, and honestly, that's what hurts the most.

In the past 3 years, I have decided that my WANT is to be with my gf. And in order to do that I would be willing to sacrifice my current life, in order to be with her, because I THINK that in doing so, I will be happier. I have asked her to make a decision as to what she WANTS more, her life in the place she now, or a life with me. I wish it was more simple than this but I cannot move to where she is living currently, for it will not only compromise my own happiness, but also the job I've spent the past 3-4 years working towards.

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She is worried that she won't be as happy as she is in her current job or house. These are all very valid point. However, no one can predict the future, she saying these things as if they will be set in stone, and because of that refusing to take a chance. And Very granted, you could say the same thing about me moving to where she is, but moving to her home town would for me at least pose a much larger risk, than moving closer to Melbourne. In addition, every time I have visited her and we were in her hometown, every time she was at work, I could feel myself becoming frustrated and bored with where I was, which lends credence to my theory that I and her hometown would not be compatible.

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I feel that some anonymous and impartial advice is needed. We both need an outside opinion on this, to help inform this very crucial decision. I need to know if this is a fight worth continuing. Who is being unfair, and is there anything else we can do to make this a better compromise?

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Sorry for the long post, but it is better that hopefully, all the cards are on the table.

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Thank you <3