Living a lie.

If anyone in my community knows who I am, I will be shunned, disowned, and ridiculed. My family and the society I live in has a negative outlook on anything remotely western (as in gay rights are a no no type thing). I'm a straight female in a muslim country. Which means I'm supposed to have a very conservative attitude towards everything (i.e. no boys, partying, no going out past 8, no showing too much skin so on n so forth).

PLOT TWIST: I -am bisexual (only ever came out to my boyfriend because if i actually came out, i would be sent to jail) , -had sex (a fine or a forced marroage guaranteed) , -drink (a fine or possible jailtime) , -don't pray, -don't believe in a religion, -think that saudi laws are extreme, -wear a bikini to the beach (heaven forbid (social media viral)) etc etc

Shit I sound like I'm 15 and a teen rebel. But despite all that, I'm really good at pretending to be the perfect, socially acceptable person( I can recite the verses of the Quran from the top of my head etc.). I love my parents especially, but since I turned 18, I started forming my own opinions and every "controversial" conversation we ever had since then has always ended with my parents and I disgruntled. So far, this whole facade is working really well..Until recently.. My boyfriend (the only person around me who accepts me for who I am) broke up with me and I just thought "Who tf am I gonna be able to talk to about my life to?". He was the reason I was so comfortable being myself, but since he left, I don't know who I can be free around. He was a safe space and I just lost that. And that led me to think "How much longer do I have to keep this up for? ". One slip-up regarding who I am or what I believe in is basically a death sentence. My family will disown me. I'm still in uni and not financially able to live on my own. My parents will blame themselves which is the most painful part even though it's not their fault.

So, here's my dilemma: Either I expose myself one day allowing me to get this heavy weight off my chest but risk being seperated and isolated in my community and hurt the people I love OR keep this to myself, have a "perfect" life and have this eat me away.

Thank you for reading my story :) I just needed to get it off my chest. Any advice or similar stories are more than welcomed <3

Edit: some details