Foot is ruined for life, misshapen, and still attached to my body. BIID is back at full force. I am miserable.

Remember people, doctors don't want to amputate a badly injured limb, no matter what. Even if it is completely destroyed, beyond salvation, they will wait as long as they can and letting you endure any pain imaginable. Don't put your faith in the hands of brain-dead surgeons with massive ego problems. When you do it, make sure it's final, non recoverable. Going too easy will lead you to weeks, maybe months, maybe years of excruciating pain, and even more suffering from your BIID. I am sad beyond words these days. I cry all the time. I have 0 stamina. Just waiting for this broken foot journey to be over so I can cut it off and destroy the leg when it's apart from me. Not a single cut - I will turn the detached foot into a puzzle no one can solve. I will then bag it tightly and throw it. EMT will see me with tourniquet, missing leg, and no missing leg to be found. I might be dead when they arrive, I will consider it a sweet release from this hellish life. At least I will be buried whole :(