Even after meds of every kind plus years of therapy, I still want to kill myself.

No one knows how dark it is inside of me. I’ve learned that no one in this entire world gives a shit what I say, think, or do. People are assholes.
I’m trying to hang on today, but sooner or later I’m going to feel the pull again, the impulse. I’ve tried before & sworn I would not make an “attempt” again: it would be successful. I’ve thoroughly researched ways to complete a suicide many times & I feel like I can do it. It’s never too late to buy a gun in America, thanks to Russian money being poured into the NRA. There’s a gun store right down the street. I expect no replies. I have no friends. Nothing has helped. Fuck the world.