Contacting Blong After "Fight"

Title edit: contacting brother after fight

Tl:dr, my brother got on my nerves in a FaceTime chat so I declined the next few calls cuz I couldn't deal at the time. He made a new FB account and re-friended everyone but me, we haven't talked in a year. How do I/should I attempt to reconnect?

My 3 brothers and I come from a rough background and have adjusted as adults in different ways. I've always been the steady reliable support, and there is some truth in their perception that we live in different worlds since I've come out relatively functional while they suffer from various manifestations of PTSD, self destructive and reckless behavior. However, I was there the whole time and have my own journey and struggles. I'm not an angel, but externally it appears I have my shit together so they don't think I relate.

My favorite brother, the one who never hurt me as a child, is pure chaos. He struggles with alcoholism among other things. We are as different as you get, he's loud, attention seeking, boisterous, very extroverted. I'm reserved, steady, moderately introverted and get overstimulated by everything he represents. Love him, but generally can only take so much lol. He likes FaceTime and video chat where he rants about whatever new profound thing he's discovered while in recovery, and I'll listen because he needs an ear and, well, why not. Love him. Might even learn something myself, though most of it isn't compatible with my own coping mechanisms. I just listened and encouraged. I'm busy though, and he'll talk for a long time where I can't really do anything else being stuck on the video chat. He also gets escalated and tries to get reactions/emotional responses out of me.

Last summer during one call I told him I was pregnant, and he continued talking about his vacation and asking if I thought he was lying about where they were, trying to get a reaction out of me. He lies a lot about random shit so I just take everything he says with a grain of salt. He is escalated in this call for some reason. He starts yelling (it's kinda how he talks) and said he wants to tell me something but I "better not fucking tell anyone else." I'm super pregnant, impatient and not wanting to be yelled at for not doing anything wrong so I told him not to tell me if he's worried I'll say something. He carries on for a minute like that then tells me anyway - apparently our other other brother is getting kicked out of the army.

Army brother is his own story, the achiever who left and only talks to me, no one else in the family. Facetime brother is army brothers twin, so that left its mark. Facetime brother doesn't know that army brother hurt me as a child. I drew some boundaries with army brother a year prior and his way of accepting the boundaries was to stop reaching out. Ok I accept that, but never told everyone else, just kinda evade questions about how he is doing.

So hearing FaceTime brother say army brother is getting kicked out jarred me - I wasn't sure if he was lying, trying to get a rise out of me or what. My default was to not react, not validate, not ask questions. He escalated further and I told him to stop yelling at me. He was worked up and I usually don't react but maybe because of hormones or stress or whatever I was actually shaking and visibly upset. We ended the call somewhat normally. He called back a couple times over the next couple days and I didn't answer because I wasn't up to it. He messaged me "hey stranger" a couple days after and I didn't reply, knowing if I did he would FaceTime me again and I still wasn't up to it. Usually after some space I come around, so I decided not to tell him I was upset since he can be defensive. But it took a long time. I had the baby and still was super stressed (maybe moreso) and didn't reach out. I noticed he deactivated his FB and a new account kept showing up in my "people you might know" thing. Ok, whatever dude. I messaged him on Christmas to say Merry Christmas and he didn't respond. His ex wife said she talked to him on Christmas and he asked her why I don't talk to him, so I'm assuming he thinks I only messaged him that day because she told me that he asked about it. Now our "friends in common" include very obscure relationships so it's obvious I'm the only one excluded from his new FB account.

I recognize this is at least partially on me. I didn't think I'd shut down so bad, usually I bounce back and can act like nothing was off. That didn't happen fast enough and we haven't talked in a year. I'm settled a bit, now. None of my family talks, and while I'm not lonely or even sentimental about our relationship, I feel I should reach out and reconnect. How?

Eta: not sure if this is relevant but during this year our dad was diagnosed with cancer, fortunately with a good prognosis. I'm the one who is usually neutral enough to notify everyone so I did. For this brother I asked his ex-wife to tell him since he didn't respond to my Christmas message (she and I are still close, they talk regularly because they have a kid).